Chapter 3 -

Children’s relationship with God

 

 

 

 

Many parents hope that they can get their children interested in spiritual matters. They may strongly wish that their children become active in the spiritual life and receive salvation, but they do not always know how they should act; they do not know how they can share spiritual matters with their children.

   Next, we are going to study this subject. We are going to study, especially, what a parent should avoid and what parents should try to achieve if they want their children to become interested in spiritual matters. All of the points listed below are important factors in a child’s not completely turning his or her back on God later on in life.

 

The power of example. Firstly, the example we set greatly affects our children’s interest in having a spiritual life. One act is worth a thousand words, and if we do not follow the correct principles in our life or set a bad example – dishonesty, not showing love towards our spouse, gossiping behind people’s backs, not obeying traffic regulations, spending all evenings in front of the TV – it is unlikely that our children will appreciate the right principles and spiritual life later on in life. On the contrary, they may turn their back on God if they see that their parents are indifferent or hypocrites.

   If we show a good example, however – respect other people and pray for them, for example – it can affect children in a very positive way. It will certainly have a more powerful impact than mere requests and advice.

 

Avoid law spirituality! Sometimes, parents may have the wrong attitude towards Christianity. They may regard it more as a collection of rules and, therefore, they may make spiritual demands that usually begin with the words, "You should..,” or  “You must…" It may be that these demands are only in the form of thoughts, or they could be voiced to their children (cf. Isa 28:12,13). They may also regard the love of God as conditional and think that it depends on how well they have succeeded in their life.

   However, we should understand that the love of God is never conditional, but absolute. Through Jesus, He is a loving Father at all times, also when we fall and are imperfect. We are saved exclusively by the mercy of God and will always remain in the mercy of God. As a matter of fact, the whole message of the Gospel is that we are given love that we have not earned – it comes through Jesus Christ.

   As to the subject of raising children, we should also hold to the love of God, His mercy and care, rather than to demands that have already been fulfilled by Jesus. We must concentrate more on the redemptive and merciful side of God than on sins and faults:

 

Many mothers give their children a wrong or misleading view of God. Many times have I heard parents saying to a child, "God loves you if you are nice, but if you are bad, he won’t love you.” This teaching is wrong. God always loves children. We can see that a child who has gotten the wrong kind of idea of God may think, as an adult and when faced with temptations and the wrong tendencies, that this is evidence that God hates him or her. God loves sinners, and He is not indifferent to a person’s bad ways. (22)

 

Respect the opinions of children! Before, we referred to how parents must respect the opinions and viewpoints of their children, even though they were not the same as those of the parent or did not please them. Usually, the more respectfully we react to the opinions of children, the more respectfully they will react to ours. They will not be so eager to reject issues important to us if we can value their point of view even a little.

   On the other hand, if we judge the viewpoints of our children, their friends, or pay too much attention to minor issues – clothes, hairstyle, etc. – this will often lead to the opposite: the child will turn his or her back on us. This can very easily happen if we are unable to remain calm in these situations.

 

Reserve time for children! Reserving time and giving our undivided attention to our children is important. This might mean reserving time to play with our children, taking them with us when we do our chores or listening when the child wants to tell or ask us something.

   These actions should always be used in order for the child to feel that he or she is unconditionally loved and accepted. If the child feels this, and the relationship with the parent is also healthy in other ways, the child will probably assume much more of the parents’ values.

 

Apologize! One bad feature in many parents is that they never see their faults. They may appear as perfect and judge others but fail to pay attention to the plank in their own eye, even though their children can clearly see it. These parents may also be afraid of confessing their faults and apologizing because they are afraid of losing the last shreds of respect and appreciation of their children.

   However, the opposite is the truth. If we as parents defend ourselves and try to appear as perfect even though we are not, we will surely lose the appreciation and respect of our children. The children know our faults well and if we in any case appear as perfect, we will be pretenders in their eyes.

   We can change this in an instant by becoming humble and apologizing to our children for having lost our temper or having treated our children badly, for example. This will win over children better than anything else. If we are not pretending to be something we are not and eagerly admit our faults and how we struggle with them, the children will respect our honesty. This way, they will also more easily adopt the things that are important for us.

 

 

 

REFERENCES:

 

1. Ross Campbell, Rakkaudesta lapseen (HOW TO REALLY LOVE YOUR CHILD), p. 37

2. Jay Kesler, Avaimet käteen (TEN MISTAKES PARENTS MAKE WITH TEENAGERS), p.87-88.

3. Rob Parsons, Tahdon rakastaa, kaikesta huolimatta (LOVING AGAINST THE ODDS), p.60-61.

4. Ross Campbell, Rakkaudesta lapseen (HOW TO REALLY LOVE YOUR CHILD), p. 48-49.

5. Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, Meillä on mukavaa (SIBLINGS WITHOUT RIVALRY), p. 53, 54

6. Thomas Gordon, Viisaat vanhemmat, p. 91,92

7. Keijo Tahkokallio, Myönteinen ajattelu lasten kasvatuksessa, p. 137

8. Rob Parsons, Kuudenkymmenen minuutin isä (THE SIXTY MINUTE FATHER), p. 61

9. Irene Kristeri, Haavoittunut vanhemmuus, p. 50

10. Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, Meillä on mukavaa (SIBLINGS WITHOUT RIVALRY), p. 123, 124

11. Thomas Gordon, Viisaat vanhemmat kertovat, p. 131,132

12. Thomas Gordon, Viisaat vanhemmat kertovat, p. 132

13. Paul W.Robinson, Kenen käsissä perheen ohjat, p. 141,142

14. James Dobson, Rakastava kuri (DISCIPLINE WITH LOVE), p. 55,56

15. Paul W.Robinson, Kenen käsissä perheen ohjat, p. 140

16. Bruce Narramore, Mainio, mahdoton lapseni (HELP! I’M A PARENT), p.156

17. Bruce Narramore, Mainio, mahdoton lapseni (HELP! I’M A PARENT), p. 162,163

18. Jennifer Rees Larcombe, Minä en parantunut (BEYOND HEALING), p.143-144.

19. Kasvatusviisauden kirja (“Book of wise parenting”), material collected by Janne Tarmio, s. 93

20. LARRY and NORDIS CHRISTENSON, Kristitty koti (THE CHRISTIAN COUPLE), p.103-104.

21. Larry Christenson, Kristitty perhe (THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY), p.139-140.

22. D.L.Moody, Kristinuskon rikkaus, p.88-89.

 

 

SOURCES:

 

Brusko Marlene, Palaako pinna - nuorten ja vanhempien?

Campbell Ross, Rakkaudesta lapseen (HOW TO REALLY LOVE YOUR CHILD)

Campbell Ross, Rakkaudesta murkkuun (HOW TO REALLY LOVE YOUR TEENAGER)

Christenson Larry, Kristitty perhe (THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY)

CHRISTENSON LARRY and NORDIS, Kristitty koti (THE CHRISTIAN COUPLE)

Dobson James, Rakastava kuri (DISCIPLINE WITH LOVE)

Faber Adele and Elaine Mazlish, Meillä on mukavaa (SIBLINGS WITHOUT RIVALRY)

Gordon Thomas, Viisaat vanhemmat

Gordon Thomas, Viisaat vanhemmat kertovat

Kesler Jay, Avaimet käteen (TEN MISTAKES PARENTS MAKE WITH TEENAGERS)

Narramore Bruce, Mainio, mahdoton lapseni (HELP! I’M A PARENT)

Parsons Rob, Kuudenkymmenen minuutin isä (THE SIXTY MINUTE FATHER)

Robinson, Paul W., Kenen käsissä perheen ohjat?

Ruthe Reinnhold, Kun sielu huutaa (WENN DIE SEELE SCHREIT)

Tahkokallio Keijo, Myönteinen ajattelu lasten kasvatuksessa