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Freedom from the past

 
 

 

 

 

 

 



Take hold of eternal life!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 






 

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus is the way,
 the truth, and the life

 

 

Chapter 3 -

Stop accusing others!

 

 

 

 

If we have been treated badly in the past, we do not have to grieve over it. We can be freed if we give up our life to God and Christ. Then our emotional life can be healed so that old and unpleasant experiences no longer bother us.

   However, this requires us to make a choice: we need to want to forgive and we must stop accusing others. Before God, we are not only victims but also guilty. Therefore, we cannot justify our bitterness and other sins by the fact that we have been treated badly, because our attitude is just as wrong as our opponents' acts towards us.

   So forgive and give up all accusations of others so that your emotional life can be healed!

 

Why should we forgive?

 

If we search for reasons why it is worthwhile to stop accusing others, to forgive and have mercy on people, at least three important reasons can be mentioned. Certainly there are other reasons as well, but these may be the most important ones:

 

Not forgiving can prevent God's forgiveness

 

The most important reason to forgive is that it is the will of God and it is right. God wants us to forgive people and not to bear grudges. Jesus required us to forgive; in the Lord’s prayer Jesus taught that our forgiveness of others is also a prerequisite for God’s forgiveness of our sins. If we refuse to forgive others, God will not forgive us:

 

- (Matt 6:12) And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

 

- (Matt 6:14-15) For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

15  But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

 

- (Matt 18:32-35) Then his lord, after that he had called him, said to him, O you wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt, because you desired me:

33  Should not you also have had compassion on your fellow servant, even as I had pity on you?

34  And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due to him.

35  So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also to you, if you from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

 

Making yourself miserable

 

- (1 Cor 13:4-5) Charity suffers long, and is kind; charity envies not; charity braggs not itself, is not puffed up,

5  Does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil

 

Another reason to forgive is simply that we make ourselves miserable by not forgiving. If we are always brooding, bitter, and angry, and remember all injuries, we make ourselves wretched and miserable.

   However, peace cannot be received by listing sins or by complaining about the evils of the world. This only makes people more miserable and depressed, and by doing this they do not take into consideration the fact that the world is in a fallen state and will be going in an even worse direction towards the end. Therefore, look at Jesus and not at imperfect people, and follow him:

 

- (John 21:21-22) Peter seeing him said to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do?

22  Jesus said to him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to you? follow you me.

 

Healing and forgiveness

 

A good reason to forgive is that not forgiving can prevent healing. If someone has an unnoticed root of bitterness in his or her heart that has not been confessed to God, healing can be delayed. (This does not mean that it is the underlying reason in every case; this is by no means meant as a generalization.)

   Obviously, this goes for mental illnesses as well: underlying factors in mental illness are very often deep traumatic experiences caused by other people. Also in this case, forgiveness can lead to healing and becoming free. Below, there are a few statements from different authors relating to this topic. These examples indicate well how important forgiveness is:

 

David A. Seamands: I had asthma as a child. In my youth, it developed worse and my first year in college was so hard that I wasn't able to take part in the spring term exams. I continuously prayed for healing, other people also prayed for me and once they even anointed me with oil and laid their hands on me. These prayers were not answered.

   Years after that, early in the morning, in the middle of a sentence in the prayer book, God showed me that my memories needed healing. This meant that I had to forgive someone on a deeper level than ever before. For several days I had to examine my heart and pray. I didn't pray for my asthma at all. I simply let the Spirit remove all grudges and bad memories. It is difficult to believe but since that day I haven't had asthma! So, many prayers had been said because of my asthma but I was not ready to receive God's answer before my deeper problem had been sorted out. This also goes for many areas in life where our prayers are not answered. (10)

 

Nicky Cruz: Is there hope for these innocent victims?

   Let me tell you about a young girl, Sharon, who came to our center for help.

   As she walked through the door, there was clearly a dark cloud of guilt and shame hanging over her.

   She came with her school curator who introduced her to our workers. I sensed a deep lack of confidence. It was almost impossible to maintain eye contact with her.

   We all sat down and tried to relieve Sharon's tension. When she looked at me, her face was full of distress and her eyes swollen from weeping.

   "I hate my father,” she said angrily.

   I knew immediately that Sharon was a victim of incest. I felt pain in my heart, like I had been stabbed with a knife.

   I had seen too many nice girls like her destroyed from the inside because of "their fathers’ bad deeds". We prayed for her and asked God for a miracle.

   Any less would not have been enough.

  For many days, we tried to win Sharon's trust. One evening, the Holy Spirit finally made the breakthrough. As Sharon asked Jesus to come into her heart, she started to cry uncontrollably. At that moment, the face that used to be full of shame began to radiate the joy and peace of Christ. When Sharon said, ‘Now I love my father!’ we knew that the miracle we had prayed for had happened.

   Forgiveness is the only way to be completely healed from these kinds of emotional injuries.

   Immediately after Sharon had received the love of Christ, love was born in her.

   And from this love came forgiveness.

   I have seen that the victims of incest may be bitter towards their molesters. They cannot be cured until genuine forgiveness takes the place of bitterness. (11)

 

Neil T. Anderson: I met Daisy after I had just graduated and when I was working as a student for a very large church. (…)

   But when the leader of the group heard that Daisy had been in a mental institution three times over a period of five years because of paranoid schizophrenia, he felt he was completely inadequate to help her. He asked me if I could meet Daisy. Even though I have not had any formal training in pastoral care, I agreed to speak to Daisy. (…)

   We started meeting every week. I assumed that her difficulties were the result of her moral fall or her being the subject of something similar or of her having practiced occultism. I asked her about moral issues and I did not find any problems. I asked her whether she had ever practiced occultism. She had never even read a book about it. Now I was really beginning to scratch my head as I was not able to find the source of her serious and clearly spiritual conflicts.

   Then one day we started speaking about her family. (…)

   "Let's talk about your father.” I suggested.

   "I don't want to speak about my father,” Daisy said. "If you speak about my father, I’ll scram."

   "Wait a minute, Daisy. If you won’t speak about your father here, where can you then? If you do not deal with these questions here, where can you?" (…)

   Daisy started facing her unresolved emotions towards her father, and to work with forgiveness. This was the root of her problems. In a few months, this young woman with whom the psychologists had lost all hope showed enormous progress and started doing child work in our church. (12)

 

How can we give up accusations?

 

If we want to stop making accusations, that is, to forgive, we can do it. The next issues are worth noting here:

 

A decision, not a feeling

 

Firstly, forgiveness is always a decision, not a feeling. We do not need to wait for any special feelings of love; we can immediately choose to forgive. The feelings can follow later on, but they are not necessary. In Matthew 18, a person was called the wicked servant because he did not want to forgive. It was not because he had no positive feelings but because he did not want it in the right way:

 

- (Matt 18:29-33) And his fellow servant fell down at his feet, and sought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.

30  And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.

31  So when his fellow servants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told to their lord all that was done.

32  Then his lord, after that he had called him, said to him, O you wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt, because you desired me:

33  Should not you also have had compassion on your fellow servant, even as I had pity on you?

 

Wait for a miracle!

 

Stopping ourselves from making accusations can be quite difficult to do by ourselves, even impossible. The accusations surface again and again so that we continuously brood over the same issues.

   However, if you are in this situation, the grace of God will help. This is because God can do what is impossible for us. We must, turn to Him and then wait for a miracle, wait for Him to take away the accusing thoughts from our mind. The following practical example describes this very well:

 

Are you bitter? Can you not forget the wrong things that were done against you? Let Christ fill your heart with forgiveness. Own it through faith and act accordingly.

   The deceased brother Magnusson told about a certain teacher who, in spite of his Christianity, lost his patience with his unruly pupils. However, he would have wanted to shine true light on his students and he suffered from this weakness by praying and fighting. Once, he was again losing his patience and he sighed to the Father. Then the lovely, bright truth became apparent to him: Christ is my patience. He believed this and acted accordingly, and victory followed suit. This is the righteousness of life that comes from God by faith, Phil 3:9. (13)

 

 Search for the root!

 

 - (Hebr 12:15) Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled

 

With bitterness, the problem is that we often do not notice it and confess it to God. We may have an accusing and uncharitable attitude without even acknowledging it. We may have a similar attitude as the wicked servant in Matt 18, who said, "Pay me that you owe" (Matt 18:28).

   Thus, children can in their hearts judge their parents, a husband judge his wife and a wife judge her husband without understanding they must repent from this. This kind of a demanding and uncharitable mindset is described in the Letter to the Hebrews as the root of bitterness; it certainly produces no good fruit. Only if we see this diseased root and confess it as a sin to God, can we be freed. The next example well describes how judgmental actions caused by bitterness can affect a person's life:

 

“Suddenly, my heart was filled with gratitude because of my husband,” she said. "The strangest thing was that I had always thought that my husband was at fault. I was angry because he never apologized or said that he was sorry about anything. Only now do I realize that I had misunderstood the whole thing. I was selfish and demanding and I needed forgiveness." (14)

 

Choose gratitude!

 

It is very common to become bitter and start accusing people when something insulting has happened to us. We actually choose to be bitter instead of being grateful.

   So, if it is possible for someone to choose to be bitter, it is also possible for someone to reach out for a grateful attitude. We can opt to feel gratitude instead of our normal emotional reactions. Whenever a bitter and an accusing thought comes up, we can strive for a grateful attitude. This is certainly true regarding past rejections, and also for present situations and worries. We can all choose gratitude and thankfulness for the past and present troubles, and begin to bless people instead of continuously complaining about their faults. Gratitude in the Bible is important and it is referred to in the following verses:

 

- (1 Cor 10:10) Neither murmur you, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer.

 

- (1 Thess 5:18) In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

 

- (Eph 5:20) Giving thanks always for all things to God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;

 

- (Ps 50:23) Whoever offers praise glorifies me: and to him that orders his conversation aright will I show the salvation of God.

 

- (Ps 118:24) This is the day which the LORD has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

 

- (Col 2:6,7) As you have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk you in him:

7  Rooted and built up in him, and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jari Iivanainen




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