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Freedom from the past

 
 

 

 

 

 

 



Take hold of eternal life!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 






 

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus is the way,
 the truth, and the life

 

 

Chapter 4 -
Stop accusing yourself!

 

 

 

 

In the previous chapter, we studied bitterness and judgment of others.

   However, this anger can turn against us. It is possible for someone to start despising and hating himself because of past injuries and abandonment. This can manifest itself as internalized expressions like, "Nobody cares for you,” “You are a mistake,” “You have no right to live,” “You disgusting rag,” “Who do you think you are?”, “You are the most miserable man in the world,” and so on. Often these two issues -- bitterness and self-judgement -- walk hand-in-hand, and spring from past experiences. Sven Reichmann’s description below illustrates them both:

 

It is easy to associate the experience of the prodigal son's brother to religious disappointment. The same can happen inside a person's mind after all kinds of disappointments. It is common for a person who has not been loved as a child to feel bitterness towards his or her parents. Often the person also judges and rejects himself, like others have rejected him or her earlier. Bitterness and judging oneself live simultaneously in the mind of that person, and form a vicious circle there from which it is difficult to be freed. (15)

 

But how can we get rid of this root behavior of judging ourselves? We will try to find an answer to this problem below.

 

Judging oneself is A sin

 

 - (Rom 14:10) But why do you judge your brother? or why do you set at nothing your brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.

 

Before we can be freed from judging ourselves, we must see that it is a sin. As the Bible encourages us to love and respect our neighbors and not to despise them, then it is certainly not right to accuse and to despise ourselves. It is only natural that if despising and cursing our neighbors is wrong, it must also be wrong for us to despise or curse ourselves. We must – in addition to God and our neighbors – love and respect ourselves as well (pride and selfishness are different characteristics altogether).

 

 - (Matt 22:36-39) Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

37  Jesus said to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.

38  This is the first and great commandment.

39  And the second is like to it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

 

So, if you have thoughts of self-anger, self-pity or suicide, you must see that they are sins before God. You must confess these so that you can be freed. Then, you can immediately receive forgiveness:

 

 - (Ps 32:5) I acknowledge my sin to you, and my iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions to the LORD; and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah.

 

Grumbling ABOUT or gratitude for our appearance?

 

Many people feel completely miserable. They are too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too silly, too nervous, or completely ungifted. Few people are pleased with their appearance, personality, and abilities.

   However, the Bible says that we are not responsible for ourselves: God has created us. He wanted us to be born – even if we were unwanted – and intended us to be just like we are, already in our mothers' womb. Our appearance is part of his plan:

 

 - (Rom 9:20) No but, O man, who are you that reply against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why have you made me thus?

 

- (Job 40:2 / 15) Shall he that contends with the Almighty instruct him? he that reproves God, let him answer it.

15. Behold now behemoth, which I made with you; he eats grass as an ox.

 

- (Jer 1:5) Before I formed you in the belly I knew you; and before you came forth out of the womb I sanctified you, and I ordained you a prophet to the nations.

 

So, if we start to criticize our own appearance or the appearance of others, we are in fact criticizing a creation of God. Therefore, can you be grateful and give thanks in front of a mirror, for example, for God having made you just like you are?

 

- (Ps 139:13-14) For you have possessed my reins: you have covered me in my mother’s womb.

14  I will praise you; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are your works; and that my soul knows right well.

 

DOES EVERYBODY HAVE TO LIKE you?

 

Perhaps the main reason for us making ourselves so miserable is that we want to feel that others appreciate us, and we too-eagerly seek others’ approval. We may think that all people must like us and value us, and that it will be the end of the world if they do not. The following example clearly illustrates this common way of thinking:

 

I have tried to be accepted my whole life. I am always searching for love. I can never get enough of it. I devote all my attention to getting acceptance from other people. I fear that I am not accepted. That is why I must deserve it. I try to smile at people, appease them, be kind to them, serve them. However, what I am really afraid of is being rejected and that is why I must be sure all the time that other people like me. But this all exhausts me to death. I have no energy left. (16)

 

But must all people really like us? The belief that we cannot be happy unless we get their approval is certainly a lie in which we believe in vain. Even if you did not get approval from anyone, could you still rejoice and be satisfied with your life? Paul, who had many trials in his life, encourages us to rejoice and not to complain about our destiny. He wrote:

 

- (Phil 4:4) Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.

 

- (Phil 3:1) Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things to you, to me indeed is not grievous, but for you it is safe.

 

In addition, it is a sin if we seek honor and commendations from people in our life. Whenever we only think about receiving admiration and appreciation from other people, we are not thinking about God:

 

- (Matt 16:26) For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

 

- (John 5:44) How can you believe, which receive honor one of another, and seek not the honor that comes from God only?

 

- (Luke 6:26) Woe to you, when all men shall speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets.

 

Think about others as well!

 

- (Rom 12:3) For I say, through the grace given to me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God has dealt to every man the measure of faith.

 

If we are inclined to judge ourselves, it is very probable that we also think too highly of ourselves – we are too self-centered. We may think that no one has had the same experiences we have had, no one has been treated as badly; no one possesses as many faults as we have. But these beliefs are not true; we certainly are not the only persons suffering in the world. There are millions of people who have similarly suffered and been insulted and injured. They, too, may be thinking similar thoughts and may belittle themselves just as we do.

   Falling into disfavor, being mocked, or feeling depressed are actually very common experiences. We only need to look at the Bible to see how others suffered. Job and Jesus, for example, were also mocked, centuries before we were even born. The following verses, among others, describe this treatment:

 

- (Job19:17-19) My breath is strange to my wife, though I entreated for the children’s sake of my own body.

18  Yes, young children despised me; I arose, and they spoke against me.

19  All my inward friends abhorred me: and they whom I loved are turned against me.

 

- (Matt 27:31) And after that they had mocked him, they took the robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away to crucify him.

 

As our problems are not in any way unusual, we should not let any unnecessary self-pity ruin our lives. Instead, we should seek the kingdom of God and pay attention to people who do not know God yet, because many people will be damned if we do not care about their souls.

  We should, at least, start praying for them. Even if we are not good speakers or witnesses, we can at least pray for these people. When we pray for other people, we also gain from not concentrating too much on ourselves all the time. Paul, for example, had the right kind of attitude; he often thought about the salvation of others. Because of this, he was engaged in a lot of prayer for them:

 

- (Rom 9:1-3) I say the truth in Christ, I lie not, my conscience also bearing me witness in the Holy Ghost,

2  That I have great heaviness and continual sorrow in my heart.

3  For I could wish that myself were accursed from Christ for my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh

 

- (Rom 10:1) Brothers, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for Israel is, that they might be saved.

 

Forgive yourself!

 

It is very common for many people to be unable to forgive themselves. They blame themselves again and again about things that happened in the past and do not concentrate on the future.

   However, if something has already happened, what good does it do to brood over something that we cannot change? Grieving is, therefore, only a futile waste of energy and time that we could use for something more useful. We must speak to ourselves "sensibly," just like David did:

 

 - (Ps 42:5) Why are you cast down, O my soul? and why are you disquieted in me?  hope you in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.

 

- (Phil 4:6) Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

 

- (Luke 12:25-26) And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit?

26  If you then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take you thought for the rest?

 

If we refuse to forgive ourselves, even though God has already forgiven us, it is just as wrong as to bear malice toward other people. We must forgive them just as we must forgive ourselves:

 

- (Col 3:13) Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do you.

 

- (Matt 18:33) Should not you also have had compassion on your fellow servant, even as I had pity on you?

 

The following example describes how we have good reason to forgive other people and ourselves, since God has already forgiven us. Therefore, forgive yourself and bring an end to self-accusations:

 

Guilt shone from the girl's face. And to make the situation even more difficult, her husband sat in the back seat of the room and waited for his wife. I had no idea what he thought about our conversation.

- I have good news for you, I told the girl.

- Do you know what Christ did to sin when he died for us? I asked.

- He forgave them, the girl answered.

- How large a part of sins? I asked.

- All.

- How many of your husbands' and yours were included? I asked.

- All, the girl replied.

- Well, if God has already once forgiven you and your husband, don't you think that you too should forgive yourself and your husband?

- I have never actually thought about it like that, the girl said. - Now I will certainly forgive. Praise the Lord! (17)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jari Iivanainen




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