Pornography, sex, dogging, dreams, masturbation, prostitution and all
other behaviours connected with sexuality are issues that interest people and
they will be handled in this writing. We will look at background material,
consider addiction and its consequences, look at where such behaviors come from
and why porn is spreading, and explore the consequences of man’s behaviour. Our
purpose is to examine boundaries between abusive sexuality and healthy
sexuality. We also examine the same issues from a spiritual perspective.
PORN, MAN, WOMAN
Pornography, that is the main factor in a person addicted to sex, is
mainly the problem of men, not women. Very few women get excited from seeing a
naked man and his sexual organs. It does necessarily get the heart of a woman
to beat any harder and she can react to it quite indifferently, except perhaps
By contrast, the erotic desire
of men is aroused as soon as they see a naked woman. It gets him aroused
immediately. There is also the most common difference between the sexuality of
man and woman. Women generally want a comprehensive relationship with men to
enter into the emotional sexuality, while men react generally to what they see.
Jesus did not say in vain the next words about looking on a woman and lusting
- (Matt ,28) You have heard that it was said by them of old time,
You shall not commit adultery: 28 But I say to you, That whoever looks on a
woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.
In any case, pornography is mainly a problem experienced by men. There
are several reasons for this, and for why it spreads, and why some women
surrender to it. Maybe the next factors are most important:
Attention. Firstly, attention is a reason why some women appear
in the nude and uncover themselves to men. As Jesus said that “all their works they do for to be seen of men” (Matt 23:5), it is possible that it is also motivated
by sexuality. It means that some women enjoy their ability to seduce men and to
influence to them, and therefore they do so. They enjoy other’s reactions and
it fuels their actions. It is similar to the action of an exhibitionist,
dogging (love-making in public places) or telling sexual jokes, and if someone
carries “indecent” stories and pictures in Internet pages. They all are done
because of attention, because they want to startle and enjoy the reactions of
The next passage is not
connected to sexuality itself, but it illustrates the same notion. It could
just as well apply to sexuality, because in it happens often in the same way.
The desire of attention and enjoying the reactions of others is the reason for
earrings were still child’s play compared to how I began to feel charmed by
piercing myself. I had wanted to shock people in every possible way, and in
that nothing seemed to be enough. In a twisted way seeing other’s shock gave me
a sensual pleasure and delight. In Punk ideology all boundaries had to be
broken, and on every level I absolutely thirsted after that. (1)
Background. Usually a person’s background in childhood and youth
influences what kind of life he will have. It has been possible to show that
criminals come from families of a certain type (usually an indifferent
father), homosexuals comefrom conditions of a certain type (men
usually have a bad relationship with their father, feel rejected by his pals,
or suffered sexual abuse by someone of the same sex. Women usually
have problems with the relationship with their mother). If conditions had
been different the person would have not been exposed to previous things so
The background of the school
murders (The deaths in the schools of Jokela and Kauhajoki are topical in Finland)
is also of the same kind. Almost without exception everyone of them was teased
in school and they were isolated from other people. If they had not been teased
and the person would have been able to forgive, there
would not have been any deaths – the killings would not have happened at all.
No-one becomes antisocial by accident; the influence of others affects the
Returning to the topic of sex
and pornography, backgrounds are also important here. Usually women, who are driven
into prostitution, have in their background relatively more sexual abuse than
others. They have been abused by their father or some other male relative and
it has influenced them. If there had not been any abuse, their later lives
could have been quite different.
Another reason for several sex
relations and later prostitution can be that the girl has not received
attention from her father and mother. She rebels against her parents in that
way, because they did not notice her or were too busy. She gets into temporary
sex relations to fill of the emotional void and get affection. The next
citation addresses that:
young woman from Dallas came to me
after taking part in our meeting. Her story is sad but it happens daily in the
lives of many young girls.
“Dr. Cole”, she said, “yesterday evening in
your meeting I forgave my father. He did not abuse me and it was not a question
of anything that he did to me. I had to forgive him for what he did not do.
“He did not show affection at any time in
my childhood. I longed for affection so much that I began to search for it in
all places. I started to have sexual relationships.
It almost destroyed my life. Only Jesus saved me from the destiny that is more
horrible than death. I tell you about this so that you would teach men how
important it is that fathers love their children.” (2)
The love of money. Prostitution, pornography and the sex industry can be
motivated by different factors. A few of them were mentioned in the previous
However, maybe the most important
motivation behind the sex industry is greed and the love of money. Paul wrote
that the love of money is the root of all evil (1 Tim 6:9,10: But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a
snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction
and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some
coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through
with many sorrows.) It is true in many people’s lives. They have been
blinded by the easy money with which they have filled their pockets and purses.
If the sex industry were not a multi-million dollar business it would not be so
attractive. People want to keep their money and financial well-being and it
prevents them from changing their behaviour. The sex industry of Amsterdam
is one example of that:
A tourist commented to me
about the deepness into which Amsterdam
had sunk in trying to become the centre of sex life in Europe.
He was shocked by the glaring events he had seen in the streets: “If all THIS
is accepted, then what happens behind closed doors?”
idea of sex is glaring, coarse and brutal. It is an industry worth millions of
dollars that maintains tens of thousands of prostitutes and hundreds of sex
shops, porn theatres, live show clubs and bars. If the life of many, who serve
in that giant industry, is shocking, so are the attitudes of those who in all
peace fill their pockets with money coming from it. In influential places there
are persons who, in all peace of mind, take advantage of Amsterdam’s
reputation as a “liberal and dangerous” centre. They who live from the bodies
of each other are not the only parasites; the owners of such houses are also
parasites – many of them are older persons, “honourable” men and women, maybe
grandparents who rent their houses as working places for prostitutes.
The rent for eight hours in one room is about 180 guldens (about
340 mk). For an ordinary workman the sum is the same as the wage for two days’
labor. In some houses where there are three or four windows,
the landlord earns tidy sums. Here we see that even though every man is sinful,
there are also those who are sinned against. I believe that great evil lives in
the hearts of such people who satisfy their avarice through others, especially
through those people who desperately need money either to take care of their
children or to pay for their use of drugs. (3)
Lust. As we said before about how a man gets excited by what he sees, or
seeing a naked woman, that is the biggest reason why pornography succeeds.
Pornography feeds lust as sexual thoughts move through man’s imagination. They
lead him to start looking at pornography, seek sexual companionship and look
for pictures on the Internet with which he can satisfy himself through
masturbation. There can also be telephone sex, pornography magazines, rubbing
places, striptease joints, prostitution and porn films through which he
realizes his fantasies. Lust, to which the next Bible verses refer, drives him
to look for sexual satisfaction:
- (James ,15) But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his
own lust, and enticed.
15 Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when
it is finished, brings forth death.
- (1 John 2:16-17) For all that is
in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of
life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
17 And the world passes away, and the lust thereof: but he that
does the will of God stays for ever.
As man can be overpowered by lust, also associated with it is
selfishness. He thinks only of himself: “How can I get satisfied?” Extreme
examples are incest, sexual abuse of children and rape, from which can easily arise bad consequences or self-hatred, shame and deep trauma.
Recovering from them can take one’s whole life.
Selfishness can also prevail
in sexual relations without marriage (It is possible also in marriage). They
have been justified by saying: “There cannot be anything wrong if two persons
love each other and they have a sexual relationship.” But that is often not
true. For it is common that when one is planning deeper engagement, the other
is already trying to go away from the relationship. It happens usually just
after sex. The next citation about the life experience related to such
behaviour is repeated often and reflects the selfishness of man:
One Saturday her male friend phoned from Stockholm.
The man invited Lisbeth with him to a restaurant. Lisbeth continued her story:
“I agreed. I felt lonely. I thought that it would be nice to
have a little fun. He was a salesman. He came in a fine firm’s car and brought
flowers and expensive perfume. We had a nice night. I longed for nearness and affection.
We laid together. Some weeks later I noticed I was pregnant. I phoned the man
and told him the situation. He asked me to come again to the same restaurant
after seven hours. He rose immediately, got into the car and drove without
caring about speed limits. He too was shocked.
It appeared that the man was engaged and intended to marry soon.
He had not told me that before. I got angry. I became hysterical, cried and
shouted at him. We drove all around. I thought first that he has to break off his
engagement and to marry me. He refused. Anyone would learn what has happened.
He demanded that I get an abortion immediately. He would pay the costs for pain
and ache, as he put it. It felt hard-hearted and unfeeling. He obviously
did not have any inkling of the deep feelings he had aroused in me. A sexual
relationship is not a mere superficial and insignificant experience. It’s
something much more. Many have suppressed their real feelings. They talk tough
even though they are not so. It imprints you. He, with whom you have been,
becomes like a part of your own personality. Besides, the child was coming. A
new human life has begun. And he suggested coldly that it would be destroyed.
Sex addiction. One reason why porn flourishes is that some men become
addicted to it. They can spend hundreds of dollars monthly to buy sex- and porn
films, sex magazines, go to rubbing places and buy sex services. The same thing
can rule their thoughts so that in their minds there are fantasies and images
connected to sex all the time, either old experiences or plans for the future. From the
Internet they can also look for that perfect picture that will please them most
and with which they can satisfy themselves.
Peculiar to this kind of
addiction is that it becomes stronger all the time. The person must find more
and more provocative and perverted pictures so that he can get the same
satisfaction as before. Things that gave pleasure before do not produce a
similar experience any more. It is like alcohol and drug addiction,
in which tolerance builds: to feel satisfaction he must get more and more, so
that it gives the same satisfaction as the first time. The trend across a long
period of time is always the same unless the person in question can be freed
from his addiction. Mark Laaser has taken up the topic in his book, “Salattu
synti” [Faithful and True (The Secret Sin)]. It addresses sex addiction and
factors behind it:
addiction is an illness that becomes worse and needs more and more. In the
early stages of the illness the abuser may, for example, consider the watching
of sex films at theatres quite normal, because many other people go to watch
them, too. Then he starts to read film reviews carefully to find just those
films in which are shown sex. When the sex shown in cinemas does not stimulate
him any more, he starts to watch home video cassettes that contain hard porn.
After them, he may move to wilder and wilder sex descriptions.
There are as many development curves as there are case histories.
The course of the addiction can be
short or long or it can develop in different directions. It must be remembered
that a sexually addicted person can go for even long times without having any
sexual activity. This may mislead either themselves or their fellow men to
think that the illness is in control. It is also common that severe and slight
falls follow each other … However, as seen across a long enough period of time,
the trend always worsens. (5)
Sex is not a bad thing. Concerning sexuality, it is good to note that it
not itself a bad thing. On the contrary, even the Book of Genesis teaches that,
“It is not good that the man should be
(Gen 2:18) God means for a married couple to experience closeness. The same
topic appears in First Corinthians (1 Cor 7:1-5), in which it is taught that a
husband and wife are obligated to fulfill each other’s sexual needs; of course
in that way that there is no compulsion (Spouses who are forced to oblige
sexual needs can experience feelings of disgust. For example, performing oral
sex can instill feelings of disgust. It is loathsome to many women). Sex
between spouses is not wrong.
- (1 Cor 7:1-5) Now concerning the
things whereof you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have
her own husband.
3 Let the
husband render to the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife to the
4 The wife
has not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband
has not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud you
not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give
yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you
not for your incontinency.
- (Hebr 13:4) Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed
undefiled: but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Instead, some sex addicts are driven by their lust to go to the wrong places
and resort to having sex outside the marriage. Some people may seek sex
partners on the Internet, paid sex, or sexually experiment with unmarried
persons, which they often justify by saying, “There can’t be anything wrong if
we love each other.” They do not understand that if a woman bares herself to
someone other than her husband, or if a man seeks sexual gratification from
elsewhere, it is a sexual distortion and wrong before God.
It is good to recognize that
our acts are important. If we choose an indecent way of life and concentrate on
superficial and short-term pleasures, we certainly are not acting wisely.
According to the Bible the judgment is coming. We will be judged according to
our works, and if we are unprepared for judgment and eternity, we have acted
- (-15) And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God;
and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of
life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in
the books, according to their works.
13 And the sea
gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead
which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their
14 And death and
hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death.
15 And whoever was not found written in the book of life was cast
into the lake of fire.
3:25) But he that does wrong shall receive
for the wrong which he has done: and there is no respect of persons.
So, as to the question of sexual sins – the subject addressed in this
writing – and your own life, it is good to think about how you live it. If you
have been involved in sex outside marriage, run a sex business because of your
greed, or are involved in other sexual distortions, you certainly are not
acting wisely. These matters are sins that separate us from God such as any
Consider the next verses. They
indicate clearly that fornicators and
adulterers will not inherit the kingdom
of God, but are forced to go to
damnation. If we practice such acts, we will have no future. Repent before it
is too late, turn to God and do not stay outside the kingdom
of God. He has love and a good plan
for every sinner, but we ourselves must turn to Him:
- () And I gave her space to
repent of her fornication; and she repented not.
- (1 Cor 6:9,10) Know you not that
the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom
of God?Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor
adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of
themselves with mankind,
10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor
extortionists, shall inherit the kingdom
Think about matters in the light of eternity! In pleasures there
is one big problem, and it is that they are short-term. They are short-term in
this life – sexual pleasure that we may seek and about which has been spoken,
is over already in a few minutes – and compared to eternity. Because of them
many may also pay no attention to spiritual and eternal things, because they
are busy in following sports, Big Brother television programs,
films or other interests. These things can easily keep everyone outside the kingdom
of God, if we get attached to them
However, it is good to note
that our life is, after all, very short. We have been given perhaps 20,000 to
40,000 days of life, and they are over faster than we notice. Once every one of
these days is ended, and therefore it is good to ask ourselves if we have lived
selfishly or according to the will and plan of God, leaving a good track in
It is most important that we
do not waste our time on unnecessary activities, because we have this one life
only and only this opportunity to prepare for eternity. The next passage
addresses the brevity of our life, and how everyone should be ready:
Have you thought that you
have only this one life?
We do an illustrative reasoning game.
Let us suppose that a man lives 70 years, and every day of his
life, together 25,550 days, represents one brick. Let us also suppose that the
man stands on this pile of bricks; it is about 25 meters high, one meter in
breadth and one-and-a-half meters in length.
The man stands on the pile, from which there is a good view to
the landscape. Every morning comes a hand that snatches one brick.
Only one brick from the corner of the pile. “It is not
dangerous. And even though one brick layer went, what does it matter?” the man
The hand appears every morning and snatches
only one brick. The man looks around care-freely. “There is nothing to worry
about,” he thinks.
But after a long, very long time the man notices, to his horror
that he is standing only on one brick. It has taken years and decades. Freedom
from care changes into distress: Tomorrow morning the hand will appear; it will
wrench the last brick from under the feet of the man and he will fall to the
This is a description of only one life that we have. In
childhood and youth it seems that old age and death are immeasurably distant.
But before we notice, the parable of Jesus about the rich man becomes true in
us (Luke ): “You fool, this night your soul shall be required of
Have you ever thought how
serious, absolutely frightening, it is to be a man without God? The man, that
has only one life. (6)
THE PRAYER OF SALVATION:Lord, Jesus, I turn to You. I confess that I have sinned against You and
have not lived according to Your will. However, I want to turn away from my
sins and follow You with all my heart. I also believe that my sins have been
forgiven through Your atonement and I have received eternal life through You. I
thank You for the salvation that You have given me. Amen.
1. Helena Rinne: Käärmeen lumous, p. 83
2. Edwin Louis Cole:
& raha (Communication, Sex &
Money), p. 67,68
3. Floyd McClung:
Elämää helvetin esikartanoissa (Living On The Devil’s Doorstep),
4. Stanley Sjöberg:
Jumalan lasten lapset
(Familjeträff I Pingst), p. 84
5. Mark Laaser:
Salattu synti (Faithful and true, the
secret sin), p. 42