Porn, sex, dogging, eternity
Pornography, sex, dogging, dreams, masturbation, prostitution and all other behaviours connected with sexuality are issues that interest people and they will be handled in this writing. We will look at background material, consider addiction and its consequences, look at where such behaviors come from and why porn is spreading, and explore the consequences of man’s behaviour. Our purpose is to examine boundaries between abusive sexuality and healthy sexuality. We also examine the same issues from a spiritual perspective.
PORN, MAN, WOMAN. Pornography, that is the main factor in a person addicted to sex, is mainly the problem of men, not women. Very few women get excited from seeing a naked man and his sexual organs. It does necessarily get the heart of a woman to beat any harder and she can react to it quite indifferently, except perhaps during love-making.
By contrast, the erotic desire of men is aroused as soon as they see a naked woman. It gets him aroused immediately. There is also the most common difference between the sexuality of man and woman. Women generally want a comprehensive relationship with men to enter into the emotional sexuality, while men react generally to what they see. Jesus did not say in vain the next words about looking on a woman and lusting after her:
- (Matt ,28) You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery:
28 But I say to you, That whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.
In any case, pornography is mainly a problem experienced by men. There are several reasons for this, and for why it spreads, and why some women surrender to it. Maybe the next factors are most important:
Attention. Firstly, attention is a reason why some women appear in the nude and uncover themselves to men. As Jesus said that “all their works they do for to be seen of men” (Matt 23:5), it is possible that it is also motivated by sexuality. It means that some women enjoy their ability to seduce men and to influence to them, and therefore they do so. They enjoy other’s reactions and it fuels their actions. It is similar to the action of an exhibitionist, dogging (love-making in public places) or telling sexual jokes, and if someone carries “indecent” stories and pictures in Internet pages. They all are done because of attention, because they want to startle and enjoy the reactions of others.
The next passage is not connected to sexuality itself, but it illustrates the same notion. It could just as well apply to sexuality, because in it happens often in the same way. The desire of attention and enjoying the reactions of others is the reason for action:
The earrings were still child’s play compared to how I began to feel charmed by piercing myself. I had wanted to shock people in every possible way, and in that nothing seemed to be enough. In a twisted way seeing other’s shock gave me a sensual pleasure and delight. In Punk ideology all boundaries had to be broken, and on every level I absolutely thirsted after that. (1)
Background. Usually a person’s background in childhood and youth influences what kind of life he will have. It has been possible to show that criminals come from families of a certain type (usually an indifferent father), homosexuals come from conditions of a certain type (men usually have a bad relationship with their father, feel rejected by his pals, or suffered sexual abuse by someone of the same sex. Women usually have problems with the relationship with their mother). If conditions had been different the person would have not been exposed to previous things so easily.
background of the school murders (The deaths in the schools
of Jokela and Kauhajoki are topical in
Returning to the topic of sex and pornography, backgrounds are also important here. Usually women, who are driven into prostitution, have in their background relatively more sexual abuse than others. They have been abused by their father or some other male relative and it has influenced them. If there had not been any abuse, their later lives could have been quite different.
Another reason for several sex relations and later prostitution can be that the girl has not received attention from her father and mother. She rebels against her parents in that way, because they did not notice her or were too busy. She gets into temporary sex relations to fill of the emotional void and get affection. The next citation addresses that:
A young woman from
“Dr. Cole”, she said, “yesterday evening in your meeting I forgave my father. He did not abuse me and it was not a question of anything that he did to me. I had to forgive him for what he did not do.
“He did not show affection at any time in my childhood. I longed for affection so much that I began to search for it in all places. I started to have sexual relationships. It almost destroyed my life. Only Jesus saved me from the destiny that is more horrible than death. I tell you about this so that you would teach men how important it is that fathers love their children.” (2)
The love of money. Prostitution, pornography and the sex industry can be motivated by different factors. A few of them were mentioned in the previous paragraphs.
However, maybe the most important motivation behind the sex
industry is greed and the love of money. Paul wrote that the
love of money is the root of all evil (1 Tim 6:9,10:
But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare,
and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in
destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root
of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred
from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many
It is true in many people’s lives. They have been blinded by
the easy money with which they have filled their pockets and
purses. If the sex industry were not a multi-million dollar
business it would not be so attractive. People want to keep
their money and financial well-being and it prevents them
from changing their behaviour. The sex industry of
tourist commented to me about the deepness into which
The rent for eight hours in one room is about 180 guldens (about 340 mk). For an ordinary workman the sum is the same as the wage for two days’ labor. In some houses where there are three or four windows, the landlord earns tidy sums. Here we see that even though every man is sinful, there are also those who are sinned against. I believe that great evil lives in the hearts of such people who satisfy their avarice through others, especially through those people who desperately need money either to take care of their children or to pay for their use of drugs. (3)
Lust. As we said before about how a man gets excited by what he sees, or seeing a naked woman, that is the biggest reason why pornography succeeds. Pornography feeds lust as sexual thoughts move through man’s imagination. They lead him to start looking at pornography, seek sexual companionship and look for pictures on the Internet with which he can satisfy himself through masturbation. There can also be telephone sex, pornography magazines, rubbing places, striptease joints, prostitution and porn films through which he realizes his fantasies. Lust, to which the next Bible verses refer, drives him to look for sexual satisfaction:
- (James ,15) But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
15 Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.
- (1 John 2:16-17) For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
17 And the world passes away, and the lust thereof: but he that does the will of God stays for ever.
As man can be overpowered by lust, also associated with it is selfishness. He thinks only of himself: “How can I get satisfied?” Extreme examples are incest, sexual abuse of children and rape, from which can easily arise bad consequences or self-hatred, shame and deep trauma. Recovering from them can take one’s whole life.
Selfishness can also prevail in sexual relations without marriage (It is possible also in marriage). They have been justified by saying: “There cannot be anything wrong if two persons love each other and they have a sexual relationship.” But that is often not true. For it is common that when one is planning deeper engagement, the other is already trying to go away from the relationship. It happens usually just after sex. The next citation about the life experience related to such behaviour is repeated often and reflects the selfishness of man:
One Saturday her male friend phoned from
“I agreed. I felt lonely. I thought that it would be nice to have a little fun. He was a salesman. He came in a fine firm’s car and brought flowers and expensive perfume. We had a nice night. I longed for nearness and affection. We laid together. Some weeks later I noticed I was pregnant. I phoned the man and told him the situation. He asked me to come again to the same restaurant after seven hours. He rose immediately, got into the car and drove without caring about speed limits. He too was shocked.
It appeared that the man was engaged and intended to marry soon. He had not told me that before. I got angry. I became hysterical, cried and shouted at him. We drove all around. I thought first that he has to break off his engagement and to marry me. He refused. Anyone would learn what has happened. He demanded that I get an abortion immediately. He would pay the costs for pain and ache, as he put it. It felt hard-hearted and unfeeling. He obviously did not have any inkling of the deep feelings he had aroused in me. A sexual relationship is not a mere superficial and insignificant experience. It’s something much more. Many have suppressed their real feelings. They talk tough even though they are not so. It imprints you. He, with whom you have been, becomes like a part of your own personality. Besides, the child was coming. A new human life has begun. And he suggested coldly that it would be destroyed. Never.” (4)
Sex addiction. One reason why porn flourishes is that some men become addicted to it. They can spend hundreds of dollars monthly to buy sex- and porn films, sex magazines, go to rubbing places and buy sex services. The same thing can rule their thoughts so that in their minds there are fantasies and images connected to sex all the time, either old experiences or plans for the future. From the Internet they can also look for that perfect picture that will please them most and with which they can satisfy themselves.
Peculiar to this kind of addiction is that it becomes stronger all the time. The person must find more and more provocative and perverted pictures so that he can get the same satisfaction as before. Things that gave pleasure before do not produce a similar experience any more. It is like alcohol and drug addiction, in which tolerance builds: to feel satisfaction he must get more and more, so that it gives the same satisfaction as the first time. The trend across a long period of time is always the same unless the person in question can be freed from his addiction. Mark Laaser has taken up the topic in his book, “Salattu synti” [Faithful and True (The Secret Sin)]. It addresses sex addiction and factors behind it:
Sexual addiction is an illness that becomes worse and needs more and more. In the early stages of the illness the abuser may, for example, consider the watching of sex films at theatres quite normal, because many other people go to watch them, too. Then he starts to read film reviews carefully to find just those films in which are shown sex. When the sex shown in cinemas does not stimulate him anymore, he starts to watch home video cassettes that contain hard porn. After them, he may move to wilder and wilder sex descriptions.
There are as many development curves as there are case histories. The course of the addiction can be short or long or it can develop in different directions. It must be remembered that a sexually addicted person can go for even long times without having any sexual activity. This may mislead either themselves or their fellow men to think that the illness is in control. It is also common that severe and slight falls follow each other … However, as seen across a long enough period of time, the trend always worsens. (5)
Sex is not a bad thing. Concerning sexuality, it is good to note that it is not itself a bad thing. On the contrary, even the Book of Genesis teaches that, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” (Gen 2:18) God means for a married couple to experience closeness. The same topic appears in First Corinthians (1 Cor 7:1-5), in which it is taught that a husband and wife are obligated to fulfill each other’s sexual needs; of course in that way that there is no compulsion (Spouses who are forced to oblige sexual needs can experience feelings of disgust. For example, performing oral sex can instill feelings of disgust. It is loathsome to many women). Sex between spouses is not wrong.
- (1 Cor 7:1-5) Now concerning the things whereof you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband render to the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife to the husband.
4 The wife has not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud you not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
- (Hebr 13:4) Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Instead, some sex addicts are driven by their lust to go to the wrong places and resort to having sex outside the marriage. Some people may seek sex partners on the Internet, paid sex, or sexually experiment with unmarried persons, which they often justify by saying, “There can’t be anything wrong if we love each other.” They do not understand that if a woman bares herself to someone other than her husband, or if a man seeks sexual gratification from elsewhere, it is a sexual distortion and wrong before God.
It is good to recognize that our acts are important. If we choose an indecent way of life and concentrate on superficial and short-term pleasures, we certainly are not acting wisely. According to the Bible the judgment is coming. We will be judged according to our works, and if we are unprepared for judgment and eternity, we have acted stupidly:
- (-15) And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works.
13 And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works.
14 And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death.
15 And whoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.
So, as to the question of sexual sins – the subject addressed in this writing – and your own life, it is good to think about how you live it. If you have been involved in sex outside marriage, run a sex business because of your greed, or are involved in other sexual distortions, you certainly are not acting wisely. These matters are sins that separate us from God such as any other sin.
Consider the next verses. They indicate clearly that
fornicators and adulterers will not inherit the
- () And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not.
(1 Cor 6:9,10)
Know you not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the
10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers,
nor extortionists, shall inherit the
Think about matters in the light of eternity!
pleasures there is one big problem, and it is that they are
short-term. They are short-term in this life – sexual
pleasure that we may seek and about which has been spoken,
is over already in a few minutes – and compared to eternity.
Because of them many may also pay no attention to spiritual
and eternal things, because they are busy in following
sports, Big Brother television
programs, films or other interests. These things can
easily keep everyone outside the
However, it is good to note that our life is, after all, very short. We have been given perhaps 20,000 to 40,000 days of life, and they are over faster than we notice. Once every one of these days is ended, and therefore it is good to ask ourselves if we have lived selfishly or according to the will and plan of God, leaving a good track in this world.
It is most important that we do not waste our time on unnecessary activities, because we have this one life only and only this opportunity to prepare for eternity. The next passage addresses the brevity of our life, and how everyone should be ready:
Have you thought that you have only this one life?
We do an illustrative reasoning game.
Let us suppose that a man lives 70 years, and every day of his life, together 25,550 days, represents one brick. Let us also suppose that the man stands on this pile of bricks; it is about 25 meters high, one meter in breadth and one-and-a-half meters in length.
The man stands on the pile, from which there is a good view to the landscape. Every morning comes a hand that snatches one brick.
Only one brick from the corner of the pile. “It is not dangerous. And even though one brick layer went, what does it matter?” the man thinks.
The hand appears every morning and snatches only one brick. The man looks around care-freely. “There is nothing to worry about,” he thinks.
But after a long, very long time the man notices, to his horror that he is standing only on one brick. It has taken years and decades. Freedom from care changes into distress: Tomorrow morning the hand will appear; it will wrench the last brick from under the feet of the man and he will fall to the ground.
This is a description of only one life that we have. In childhood and youth it seems that old age and death are immeasurably distant. But before we notice, the parable of Jesus about the rich man becomes true in us (Luke ): “You fool, this night your soul shall be required of you.”
Have you ever thought how serious, absolutely frightening, it is to be a man without God? The man, that has only one life. (6)
THE PRAYER OF SALVATION: Lord, Jesus, I turn to You. I confess that I have sinned against You and have not lived according to Your will. However, I want to turn away from my sins and follow You with all my heart. I also believe that my sins have been forgiven through Your atonement and I have received eternal life through You. I thank You for the salvation that You have given me. Amen.
1. Helena Rinne: Käärmeen lumous, p. 83
2. Edwin Louis Cole: Kommunikaatio, seksi & raha (Communication, Sex & Money), p. 67,68
3. Floyd McClung: Elämää helvetin esikartanoissa (Living on The Devil’s Doorstep), p. 210,211
4. Stanley Sjöberg: Jumalan lasten lapset (Familjeträff I Pingst), p. 84
5. Mark Laaser: Salattu synti (Faithful and True, the Secret Sin), p. 42
6. Tapio Nousiainen: Yksi ainoa elämä, p. 5,6
Jesus is the way, the truth and the life
Grap to eternal life!