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Umshado ongakhethi hlangothi kanye nezingane
Umshado ongakhethi hlangothi kanye nezingane, okusho ukuthi amalungelo ezingane anyathelwa kanjani lapho zenqatshelwa ilungelo labazali bazo begazi - kusetshenziswa njengesizathu amalungelo abantu kanye nokulingana kwabantu abadala.
Lesi sihloko sidingida umshado ongakhethi bulili kanye nomthelela wesakhiwo somndeni ezinganeni. Labo abasekela ukungathathi hlangothi kobulili-umshado futhi bamele inkululeko yobulili emphakathini, abavamile ukubheka izinto ngombono wezingane. Abawunaki umthelela ukukhetha kanye nemithetho yabantu abadala ebantwaneni. Laba bantu bakhuluma kuphela ngokulingana, amalungelo abantu kanye nokungalingani kwezenhlalakahle, kodwa bayakhohlwa ukuthi izingane kufanele zibe namalungelo abantu. Kufanele babe nelungelo kusukela ekuzalweni kwabo bobabili abazali babo begazi. Kuyinkinga uma lokhu kunganikezwa. Ukungabi nobaba nokungabi nomama kubhekwa njengento evamile futhi efiselekayo. Izingane-ke kulindeleke ukuthi zivumelane neqiniso lokuthi leli lungelo eliyisisekelo seliphuciwe futhi zibonge ngisho nokulibonga. Kujwayelekile futhi ukuthi lesi sihloko sizame ukususa ingxoxo ngezingane emcabangweni wokuthi ukuphikiswa komshado ongathathi hlangothi kobulili kumelela inzondo yabantu abathandana nobulili obufanayo kanye nenzondo kongqingili. Abantu abathi lokhu bacabanga ukuthi bayazi futhi bezwa imicabango nemizwa yangaphakathi yomuntu ongavumelani nemibono yakhe. Abakunaki ukuthi ungaphikisana ngezinto kuphela ngesisekelo samaqiniso, kodwa noma kunjalo ungazondi muntu. Abagqugquzeli bomshado ongakhethi bulili nabo bayehluleka ukukunaka ukuthi ongqingili abaningi ngokwabo bayayiphikisa le ndaba. Babona ukuthi kuhlukumeza ilungelo lengane lokuba noyise nomama. Isitabane esingakholelwa kuNkulunkulu u-Bongibault sishilo engxoxweni (uWendy Wright, Izitabane ZaseFrance Zijoyina I-Demonstration Against Gay Marriage):
KUNGANI ABANTU BESEKELA UMSHADO ONGEKHO MAPHAKATHI? Uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi hlobo luni lombono abantu abanalo ngobungqingili - ingabe yikhwalithi abazalwa nayo noma kuthonywa izici ezithile zasemuva kanye nendlela umuntu asabela ngayo kubo - abantu bavame ukuncika ekukhetheni kokuqala. Le nto ngokuvamile ibhekwa njengokuthambekela okungokwemvelo Ukuzalwa kobungqingili kuphinde kukhangwe ngabaningi okuthiwa abamele inhlangano yama-gay yobuKristu (lapha eFinland, isibonelo, i-Yhteys-movement kanye ne-Tulkaa kaikki-movement) . U-Liisa Tuovinen, umholi we-Yhteys-movement, waveza lo mbono ovamile engxoxweni ye-TV ngo-2002:
Phela, uPawulu akanawo umqondo ngobungqingili, okuyisici esingokwemvelo somuntu esingenakushintshwa. (2)
Lapho ubungqingili buqondwa njengesici esizalwa naso, ngokuqinisekile futhi kungesinye sezizathu ezinkulu zokuthi kungani umshado ongakhethi buso bobulili kanye nempilo yobungqingili kubhekwe kahle emphakathini wanamuhla. Kucatshangwa ukuthi uma kuyisici sokuzalwa njengombala wesikhumba noma ukuba kwesokunxele, ngakho-ke akulungile yini ukuvikela indlela yokuphila yobungqingili kanye nabantu abanesici esinjalo? Akulungile yini ukweseka abantu ekukhetheni kwabo ucansi? Kodwa liyini iqiniso lendaba? Ongqingili abaningi ngokwabo bayaphika ukuthi kungokwemvelo. Abanye bangase baphikise ngokuthi kungokwemvelo, kodwa abaningi bayavuma ukuthi ukuyenga abantu bobulili obufanayo nezimo zaba nengxenye ekuzalweni kokuthambekela kwabo. Lena kwakuyimiqondo evamile nakusayikholoji emashumini ambalwa eminyaka edlule. Ngakho-ke kuyafana nokucasuka noma ukuthi kungani izigebengu zivame ukuvela ezimweni ezithile. Akekho umuntu ongazikhethela izimo akhulele kuzo nokuthi kwenziweni kuye, kodwa umuntu uyazikhethela ukuthi uyafuna yini ukuxolela, ukuthi uzoba yisigebengu noma enze ubutabane. Angase alingeke ukuba enze lezi zinto, kodwa ngezinga elithile angakhetha indlela afuna ukuphila ngayo:
Ngifunde ucwaningo oluthakazelisayo olwenziwa uchwepheshe: kwakuyinhlolovo yokuthola ukuthi bangaki abantu abathanda ubulili obufanayo abakholelwa ukuthi bazalwa ngaleyo ndlela. Amaphesenti angamashumi ayisishiyagalombili nanhlanu okwaxoxwa nawo ayenombono wokuthi ubungqingili babo buyindlela efundiwe yokuziphatha ebangelwa ithonya elilimazayo kusenesikhathi ekhaya labo nokuyengwa ngomunye umuntu. Kulezi zinsuku, umbuzo wami wokuqala lapho ngihlangana nongqingili ngokuvamile uthi, “Ubani okunikeze ugqozi ngakho?” Bonke bangangiphendula. Ngizobuza-ke ukuthi, “Kwakuzokwenzekani kuwena nasebulilini bakho ukube awuhlangananga nomalume wakho, noma umzala wakho akazange afike empilweni yakho? Noma ngaphandle kukababa wakho ongamzali? Ucabanga ukuthi bekuzokwenzekani?” Yilapho izinsimbi ziqala khona ukushaya. Bathi, “Mhlawumbe, mhlawumbe, mhlawumbe.” (3)
U-Ole akakholelwa, nokho, ukuthi kukhona uhlobo oluthile "lofuzo lobungqingili". Ukholelwa ukuthi izimbangela zemizwa yobungqingili ziyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu, futhi uveza, ngokwesibonelo, ukuthi wazi amawele amaningi afanayo futhi elilodwa kuphela kuwo eliwungqingili. U-Ole ukholelwa ukuthi ziningi izinto ezibe nomthelela ekuziphatheni kwakhe, njengobudlelwane bakhe obuyinkimbinkimbi nobumpofu noyise ngesikhathi esemncane. U-Ole akazigodli lapho ekhuluma ngobuhlobo bakhe noyise esemncane. Wayenomuzwa wokuthi uyise akekho futhi wayemesaba uyise. Ngezinye izikhathi ubaba wayeba nesibibithwane, futhi u-Ole wayenomuzwa wokuthi izikhathi ezimbalwa uyise wayemlulaza ngamabomu phambi kwabantu. U-Ole ukhuluma ngokungananazi ukuthi wayemzonda uyise. (4)
U-Harri unentshisekelo engxoxweni mayelana nobungqingili kwabezindaba kanye nezifundo ngobungqingili. Uyaqiniseka ukuthi ubungqingili abuhlangene kangako nezici zokuzalwa. Usekela lo mbono, ngokwesibonelo, eqinisweni lokuthi ngokuvamile kulula ukuthola ukuthi kungani abantu benokuthambekela kobungqingili. Ngokuvamile baye babhekana nodlame locansi noma babe nobudlelwano obunzima nabazali babo noma ontanga. "Lokhu kungenze ngaqiniseka ukuthi akukhona okokuqala futhi okubalulekile mayelana nezakhi zofuzo. Nokho, angicabangi ukuthi akunakwenzeka ukuthi abanye abantu babe nezakhi zofuzo ezibenza bathambekele kakhudlwana ekuthambekeleni kobungqingili," kusho u-Harri. (5)
Endabeni yakhe, uTepi ukholelwa ukuthi ubungqingili bubangelwa ukuthi unokushoda ngokomzwelo okuthile azama ukukugcwalisa. UTepi uthi wayemesaba uyise esemncane futhi "usesaba abantu besilisa". UTepi uthi ufuna umama phakathi kwabesifazane. Nakuba uTepi ecabanga ngezizathu zokuthandana kwakhe nobulili obufanayo, uyasho nangokuthanda kwakhe abesifazane: "Njengoba sekuhambe ngendlela eshaqisayo ngokwemvelo, ngezinye izikhathi ngike ngizibuze ukuthi kwenzeka kanjani ngaleyo ndlela." Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukholelwa ukuthi kunesizathu salokhu, futhi. UTepi akakholelwa ukuthi ubungqingili bubangelwa izakhi zofuzo noma ukuthi umuntu angaba gay noma ongqingili kusukela azalwa. Ngokombono wakhe, umuntu ukhula gay noma lesbian, ngisho ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka okukhethekile. (6)
Yebo, nami njengezinye izitabane ngiyazibuza ukuthi ubutabane buvelaphi. Ngikholelwa ukuthi ubuntu bengane bakheka phakathi neminyaka emithathu yokuqala yokuphila, kuhlanganise nobulili. Lokhu kuthonywa kokubili imvelo kanye nesayensi yezinto eziphilayo zomuntu. Angikholwa nakancane ukuthi ubutabane buyifa. Kwezinye zezihlobo zami, ubutabane bami bunzima impela ngoba besaba ufuzo lwaso. (7)
Ingabe ubungqingili bubangelwa izakhi zofuzo? Njengoba kuphawuliwe, incazelo evamile yobungqingili manje ukuthi buyazalwa futhi bubangelwa ufuzo, noma ama-hormone akhishwa ngesikhathi sokukhulelwa. Abantu bacabanga ukuthi ubungqingili bubangelwa ikakhulukazi yizinto eziphilayo. Nokho, le ncazelo ayisekelwa izifundo zamawele. Amawele afanayo anezakhi zofuzo ezifanayo ncamashi nendawo efanayo esibelethweni, nokho linye kuphela elingaba nesithakazelo ebulilini balo. Uma ubutabane bubangelwa ufuzo akufanele kube njalo. Lesi sicaphuni esilandelayo sivela ocwaningweni olukhulu ngale ndaba, olwenziwa eCanada futhi lwabandakanya izifundo ezingaba ngu-20,000. Kubonisa ukuthi izakhi zofuzo nofuzo akusona isici esinqumayo emsuka wobungqingili.
Ucwaningo lwamawele eCanada lubonise ukuthi izici zomphakathi zibaluleke kakhulu kunezakhi zofuzo (…) Imiphumela yocwaningo ibonisa ukuthi izakhi zofuzo azinakho ukubaluleka okukhulu. Uma iwele elilodwa lamawele afanayo laliyisitabane, kwakunamathuba angu-6.7% okuthi elinye iwele nalo libe nentshisekelo kubantu bobulili obufanayo. Iphesenti lamawele angafananga lalingu-7.2% futhi ezinganeni ezivamile lingu-5.5%. Le miphumela ayivumelani kakhulu nemodeli yofuzo eshiwo ngenhla yobutabane. Imvelo lapho amawele akhula khona ngaphakathi esibelethweni sikanina ifana ncamashi kuwo womabili amawele ngokwamahomoni, futhi ngaleyo ndlela imiphumela etholwe uBearman noBrucker iyawuphikisa umbono wokuthi ukungalingani kwamahomoni kamama ngesikhathi ekhulelwe kubangela ubungqingili. (...) Izifundo ezingamawele zangaphambilini zathola izifundo zazo emitholampilo noma ngezinhlangano zongqingili, noma ngenye indlela zibe nesampula elilinganiselwe. U-Bearman no-Brucker bathi ucwaningo lwabo yilo oluthembeke kakhulu ngoba belusekelwe ekuthathweni kwesampula okungahleliwe okuvela ocwaningweni lwentsha kuhlanganisa nesizwe sonke. Bekunezifundo ezivivinywa ezingaba ngu-20,000! Ngaphezu kwalokho, abacwaningi abazange bathembele kulokho elinye lamawele akushoyo mayelana nobulili bewele: Kunalokho, baya kwelinye balibuza ngalo. (8)
Abacwaningi bobungqingili ngokuvamile abakholelwa emvelweni yokuzalwa yobungqingili. U-Olli Stålström, oyilungu elisungula lenhlangano ye-Finnish Seta, waveza lolu daba encwadini yakhe ethi Homoseksuaalisuuden sairausleiman loppu (Ukuphela kokucwaswa kwabantu bobulili obufanayo njengokugula, 1997). Uthe abacwaningi bobungqingili kudala bengawusekeli umbono othi “Ngazalwa ngiyisitabane”. Ubhekisele ezingqungqutheleni ezimbili zesayensi ezihanjelwe ngamakhulu ososayensi:
Izingqungquthela ezimbili zesayensi ngoDisemba 1987 zingabonwa njengephuzu elibalulekile emlandweni… ehilela abacwaningi bobungqingili abayi-100 abavela emazweni angu-22 ahlukene emaqenjini asebenzayo ayi-100… Izingqungquthela zavumelana ngazwi linye ukuthi akulungile ukufaka ngezigaba ukuhlukaniswa kobungqingili njengokuphazamiseka kwengqondo ngemibono yemvelo esazalwa nayo. Kubonakale kudingekile ukwenqaba ngokujwayelekile umbono obalulekile wobungqingili, ngokusho ukuthi ubungqingili bunayo ingqikithi ezimele kusukela esikhathini namasiko anembangela ethile. (ikhasi 299-300)
Izingane ze-Feral . Enye inkomba yokuthi kungakanani ubulili obuhlobene nezimo kanye nezici zemvelo izingane ezincane ezilahliwe ukuze zihlale nezilwane. Abanaso nhlobo isithakazelo socansi. Lokhu kubonisa ukuthi ubulili bomuntu buphinde buthonywe izici zomphakathi. I-Biology akuyona ukuphela kwesici esinqumayo. Umcwaningi wesayensi yezokuthuthukiswa kwengqondo nomsizi kaprofesa wezengqondo, u-Risto Vuorinen, ulandisa encwadini yakhe ethi Minän synty ja kehitys [Birth and development of self] (1997) ngalezi zingane ezincane ezilahliwe, okuthiwa izingane ezifuywayo, ezikhuliswe izilwane. Ukube ubulili bebunqunywa izakhi zofuzo kuphela, bezingeke zibe khona izimo ezinjalo:
Ukungaguquguquki kwezingane ezingowesifazane kuyisici esibalulekile. Naphezu kokuvuthwa kwabo ngokomzimba, ababonisi isithakazelo socansi ... Kubonakala sengathi kunesikhathi esibucayi sokuqala sokuthuthukiswa kobulili.
Abasekeli abaningi bomshado ongakhethi hlangothi ngokobulili ngokwabo baye bavuma ngokuqondile ukuthi impikiswano yokuzalwa ayilona iqiniso noma inesisekelo esiqinile. Omunye wabo nguJohn Corvino, ongakholelwa ukuthi ubungqingili buyisici esizalwa naye. Uthe: "Kodwa impikiswano embi iyingxabano embi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iziphetho zijabulisa - futhi ziyiqiniso kangakanani" (9) Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ubunikazi bobulili bungashintsha ngokwezinga elithile ngokuya ngeminyaka, kodwa ngokuvamile ngendlela evamile yabantu bobulili obuhlukile. Kwabanye abantu abasha, ubunikazi babo bobulili bungase bungacaci, kodwa ngokukhula, iningi labo lizothola ubunikazi obujwayelekile bobulili obuhlukile:
Ucwaningo olukhulu lwaseMelika olwanyatheliswa ngo-2007 mayelana nokushintsha kobunikazi bezocansi abaneminyaka engu-16-22 ubudala lwabonisa ukuthi ukuthambekela kobungqingili noma abathanda ubulili obubili kunethuba eliphindwe ka-25 lokushintshela kobulili obuhlukile kungakapheli unyaka kunokuphambene. Entsha eningi, imizwa yobungqingili iyancipha njengoba iminyaka ihamba. Cishe amaphesenti angama-70 abafana abaneminyaka engu-17 ubudala ababonise isithakazelo sobungqingili babonisa ukuhlukana kobulili obubodwa lapho beneminyaka engu-22. (Savin-Williams & Ream 2007: 385 pp.) (10)
INGABE UMTHETHO WOMTSHADO WOKWESIKO UYACWAXA? Impikiswano eyodwa yomshado ongakhethi hlangothi kube ukuthi umthetho wendabuko womshado uyabandlulula. Yingakho abasekeli bomshado ongakhethi hlangothi bekhuluma ngokulingana nokulwa nokucwaswa, uma bevikela imibono yabo. Abezindaba bangase futhi baveze imiyalezo ecatshangelwe kahle mayelana namalungelo abantu nokulingana.
Ilungelo lokushada labo bonke abantu abadala kanye nokushintsha incazelo yomshado . Uma kukhulunywa ngokucwaswa okuhambisana nomthetho wendabuko wokuganana, kumele kuthiwe bonke abantu abadala banelungelo lokushada. Akukho okuhlukile lapha. Noma yimuphi owesilisa noma owesifazane omdala angashada nabobulili obuhlukile. Ngakho-ke umthetho wendabuko womshado usuvele ulingana futhi awucwasi muntu. Ukusho okuhlukile kuphambene namaqiniso. Kunalokho, umzamo wokwelula umshado kubantu bobulili obufanayo nawo ushintsha incazelo yomshado. Igama elithi umshado lithatha incazelo entsha elalingenayo ngaphambili. Kufana nokuphikisana ngokuthi, isibonelo, ubuhlobo obuvamile bokuqashwa phakathi komqashi nesisebenzi busho umshado, noma ukuthi ibhayisikili nendiza kuyizimoto, ngisho noma kungenjalo. Leli gama, osekungamakhulu eminyaka emlandweni wesintu liqondwa njengelisho kuphela ubuhlobo phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, ngaleyo ndlela lishintsha incazelo libe kolunye ngomqondo wokungakhethi ubulili womshado. Ishintsha umkhuba oye wanqoba kuwo wonke amasiko amakhulu izinkulungwane zeminyaka.
Ezinye izinhlobo zothando. Ukuthi umthetho wokushada ongathathi hlangothi ngobulili uzoqeda ukungalingani nokucwasa kuyimpikiswano embi ngoba kunezinye izinhlobo zobudlelwano. Ngoba uma ubuhlobo bobulili obufanayo bubizwa ngokuthi umshado, umuntu angakuthethelela kanjani ukukhishwa kwezinye izinhlobo zobudlelwano emthethweni ofanayo? Kungani kufanele kufakwe kuphela izitabane ezimbalwa emthethweni wemishado? Uma silandela umqondo ofanayo abantu abazama ngawo ukuvikela lolu daba, izinhlobo ezilandelayo zobudlelwano kufanele nazo zifakwe kububanzi bomthetho. Uma bengafakwanga, kuba, ngokomqondo ofanayo, ukucwasa kanye nokwesekwa kokungalingani. Imiphumela enjalo iyafinyelelwa uma silandela imibono yabasekeli bomshado ongakhethi hlangothi futhi lapho sishintsha incazelo yegama elithi umshado:
• Ubudlelwano phakathi kukamama nendodakazi, njengoba behlala endlini eyodwa
• Umuntu, ohlala nenja yakhe
• Ubudlelwano besithembu
• Abafundi ababili abahlala endlini eyodwa yokulala
• Ubudlelwane bokulalana nabo buyindlela eyodwa. Ngisho nabagqugquzeli bokushada kwezitabane ngokuvamile ababuvumi ubuhlobo obunjalo ngoba babubheka njengobubi ngokokuziphatha. Nokho, labo abanombono ongemuhle ngomshado ongakhethi bulili bangawenqaba ngesizathu esifanayo. Bangase bakubheke njengephutha ngokokuziphatha.
USolwazi, u-Anto Leikola, wabhala ngalolu daba kumagazini i-Yliopisto [University] (8 / 1996) onesihloko esithi Olisiko rakkauskin rekisteröitävä? [Ingabe uthando kufanele lubhaliswe futhi?] . Uthe ngokulandela umqondo ofanayo, kuyaphambana ukuthi lolu daba lugcine kubantu abathandana nobulili obufanayo kuphela. Kungani kufanele bafakwe kububanzi bomthetho womshado, kuyilapho kunezinye izinhlobo eziningi zobudlelwane eziphambukayo kulokho okujwayelekile?
Kuthiwani uma izelamani ezimbili ezinamathele kakhulu komunye nomunye, zifuna ukuba nefulethi ndawonye nokunye, futhi zize zibe nengane ehlangene? Kungani kufanele kube nzima kubo kunongqingili? Ingabe kungenxa yokuthi kukhona uthando phakathi kokugcina, kodwa hhayi phakathi kwangaphambili, noma phakathi kokunye abangane nje? …Sekukonke, ukubhaliswa kobambiswano kuwumcimbi wokuxhumana…Uma ithuba elinjalo linikezwa abantu bobulili obufanayo, angikaqondi namanje ukuthi kungani kufanele libe kongqingili kuphela. Noma ingabe sicabanga ukuthi bonke abantu bobulili obufanayo, abahlala ndawonye futhi banamathele komunye nomunye, bangongqingili? Noma sicabanga ukuthi ubungqingili abuhlangene nhlobo nobulili... Uma sicabanga ukuthi kuyinto efiselekayo ukubhalisa ubudlelwano bobulili obufanayo, kodwa hhayi abanye, khona-ke iqiniso lokuthi kuyindaba yokubhalisa ubulili,
Izitabane eziningi aziwufuni umshado . Lapho kuqhutshwa umshado ongakhethi bulili, elinye lamaphuzu ayinhloko kuye kwaba ukulwa nokucwaswa nokungalingani. Kuye kwacatshangwa ukuthi umshado ongakhethi bulili, lapho ongqingili bengashada khona, uyoqeda ukucwasa. Nokho, iqiniso liwukuthi kulawo mazwe lapho umshado wongqingili usunesikhathi eside usetshenziswa, bambalwa ababefuna ukushada. E-Netherlands, umshado wobulili obufanayo ususebenze iminyaka eyishumi, kodwa kuphela ama-20% ongqingili ashadayo. Uma kuqhathaniswa nabantu ngabanye, inani liphansi nakakhulu. Ngokokunye ukulinganisa, bangamaphesenti angu-8 kuphela ongqingili abangena emshadweni. Empeleni, izinombolo zibonisa ukuthi abambalwa kuphela ongqingili abaye banesithakazelo sokushada. Esikhundleni salokho, iningi labo alizange lifune (ngokwendlela yabalandeli babo yokucabanga) ukuthola ukulingana nokukhululeka ekubandlululweni.
ISITESHI SEZINGANE . Njengoba kushiwo, umshado ongakhethi hlangothi ufanelekile ngokombono wokulingana nanjengodaba lwamalungelo abantu. Kuchazwe ukuthi ukwamukelwa kwalolu daba kuzosusa ukungalungi komthetho. Kodwa-ke, lesi sihloko sihlolisiswe kuphela ngokombono wabantu abadala futhi izingane zikhohliwe. Umthetho womshado ongakhethi hlangothi ngempela uyindaba yamalungelo abantu, kodwa okuphambene nalokho okushiwoyo: kusho ukwephulwa kwamalungelo ezingane. Ngoba kulezo zimo lapho imibhangqwana engongqingili ihlose ukuba nezingane (kungenzeka, ngokwesibonelo, ngokugcinwa kwesidoda nokuqashwa kwesibeletho noma ukuthi omunye wongqingili ube nobuhlobo bobulili obuhlukile okwesikhashana), kusho ukuhlukanisa ingane noyise oyizalayo noma umama selokhu azalwa ngenxa nje yokuthi abantu abadala babheka umshado ongakhethi hlangothi njengelungelo labo. Ngakho-ke umthetho womshado ongakhethi bulili ubandlulula izingane ngezindleko zabantu abadala. Inkululeko yabantu abadala ibekwe ngaphambi kwamalungelo ayisisekelo ezingane. Zikhona-ke izimo lapho ingane kufanele ikhule ngaphandle kukayise noma unina, kodwa kuhlukile ukwenza ngamabomu ingane ingabi nayise noma unina ukuze nje kufezeke izifiso zabantu abadala. Yilokhu okwenzeka emshadweni ongakhethi hlangothi lapho kutholwa izingane. EFrance, ongqingili abaningi ngokwabo baye bathatha ukuma kule ndaba. Babona ukuthi umthetho wokuganana okungenabulili wephula ilungelo lengane lokuba noyise nomama. Yingakho benqaba umshado ongakhethi hlangothi:
UJean-Pierre Delaume-Myard: Ingabe ngingumuntu othanda abantu bobulili obufanayo… Ngimelene nomshado ongathathi hlangothi ngobulili, ngoba ngivikela ilungelo lengane lokuba noyise nomama. (11)
UJean-Marc Veyron la Croix: Wonke umuntu unokulinganiselwa kwakhe: iqiniso lokuthi anginayo ingane nokuthi ngikhumbula ingane akunginiki ilungelo lokuthatha uthando lukamama enganeni. (12)
U-Hervé Jourdan: Ingane iyisithelo sothando futhi kufanele ihlale njengesithelo sothando. (13)
Ukuba nezingane . Uma kuziwa ebudlelwaneni bobulili obuhlukile, banomehluko owodwa omkhulu uma kuqhathaniswa nobudlelwane bobulili obufanayo: ubudlelwano bobulili obuhlukile kuphela obungaba nezingane, laba bakamuva ngeke. Lesi futhi esinye sezizathu ezinkulu zokuthi kungani umshado wendoda nomfazi ube yisiqalo esihle kakhulu sezingane. Inikeza izingane ithuba lokukhula ngaphansi kokunakekela kukayise nomama wazo ozalayo zisuka nje. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, inkinga ngobudlelwano bobulili obufanayo iwukuthi uma izingane zitholwa ngobudlelwano besikhashana bobulili obuhlukile noma ngezindlela zokwenziwa ezinjengokuqasha izibeletho noma izindawo zokugcina izidoda, kushiya ingane ingenayise noma ingenanina. Ulahlekelwe okungenani oyedwa wabazali bakhe abamzalayo ekhaya, angakhula naye. Ingane kufanele iphile ngaphandle komunye umzali wayo oyizalayo kusukela ekuqaleni ngenxa yokuzikhethela kwabantu abadala. Labo abakhulele emndenini othandana nobulili obufanayo sebewugxekile umkhuba wokuphuca ingane ilungelo lokuba noyise noma unina ngale ndlela; ngokunxusa ukulingana phakathi kwabantu abadala. Baphucwa ilungelo labazali babo. UJean-Dominique Bunel, owakhulela nomama wakhe ongqingili nomlingani wakhe wesifazane, ulandisa ukuthi wabhekana kanjani nakho. Wahlupheka ngenxa yokuswela ubaba. Kwezinye izindawo uthi ukube umshado ongakhethi bulili wawuvele uyasebenza esakhula, ubezomangalela umbuso, ngoba uvumela ukuphulwa kwamalungelo engane yakhe:
Amazwana angezansi nawo akhuluma ngalolu daba. Ukungabikho kukababa noma umama kuyisizathu esenza izingane zithole kunzima ukukhulela endaweni yobungqingili. Akuwona umbuzo wokuthi ingabe umzali oyedwa oyisitabane akanele yini ekukhuliseni izingane, kodwa indaba yokuphuca ingane ngenhloso yokuba khona komunye umzali wayo oyizalayo kusukela izalwa:
URobert Oscar Lopez (2012) ugxeka inkulumo-ze yokucwaswa kwabantu abathandana nobulili obufanayo njengenobandlululo futhi inomqondo omncane, ngoba iphinde ibize abantu abafana naye njengabantu abathanda ubulili obufanayo, abakhulele ekhaya lezithandani ezithandana nabobulili obufanayo, ababephila ingxenye enkulu yempilo yabo esikweni lobungqingili, kodwa. namanje abasakuphikisa ukuganana ngobulili ngoba bebona ukuthi kuhlukumeza amalungelo engane kubaba nomama. Ngokusho kukaLopez, kunzima ukubizwa njengomuntu othanda abantu abathandana nobulili obufanayo ngoba ephumela obala ngokuthi wabhekana nobunzima bokuswelakala ngesikhathi ekhulela kubo kanina nowesifazane athandana naye. "Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umbhangqwana wobulili obufanayo ufuna ukulingisa imodeli yokuba umzali onobulili obuhlukile ngokuzala umuntu oyedwa, ukuzalanisa ingane ngokungemthetho, isehlukaniso, noma ukutholwa ngokwezentengiselwano, bafaka izingozi eziningi zokuziphatha. Izingane, ezizithola ziphakathi kwalezi zingozi zokuziphatha," bazi kahle ngeqhaza labazali babo ekudaleni impilo ecindezelayo neyinkimbinkimbi engokomzwelo ebahlukanisa namasiko anjengoSuku Lobaba NoMama. Isikhundla sezingane senziwa sibe nzima, lapho zibizwa ngokuthi 'abantu abathandana nabobulili obufanayo' ngenxa nje yokuthi bahlushwa - futhi bayakuvuma lokho - ukucindezeleka okungokwemvelo ezibekwa abazali bazo. (Lopez 2013.) (15)
Lapho izingane zitholwa ngezindlela zokwenziwa ezinjengokuqasha izibeletho kanye nokugcinwa kwesidoda, kufanele sibhekane nezinkinga eziningi zokuziphatha. Inkinga ngokuqashwa kwesibeletho wukuthi umama kumele alahle ingane ayithwele. Ibekwe njengomgomo ekuqashweni kwesibeletho. Kulindeleke ukuthi acindezele imizwa yakhe ngengane futhi akhokhelwe ngayo. Udayisa amalungelo akhe enganeni okungenzeka angaphinde ayibone. Kodwa-ke, kwabaningi lokhu kwakungase kube nzima kakhulu ngenxa yemvelo yabo yokubeletha, okuyikhona okuholele ekutheni bafune ukunqamula inkontileka ye-surrogacy. Laba besifazane baqonde ukuthi bayayithanda ingane engaphakathi kubo, okwenze bashintsha umqondo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuqasha isibeletho kuyinkinga ezinganeni. Ngoba lapho umama edela ilungelo lakhe lomntwana, ingane ingase ibone njengokulahlwa. Kungase kuphakame imibuzo kuye, ukuthi kungani unina amthengisa ngemali futhi enganaki. Phakathi kokunye, iwebhusayithi ka-Alana Newman ethi AnonymousUS.org isitshela ngokuhlangenwe nakho nemizwa yalezo zingane. UFrank Litgvoet, ohlala ebuhlotsheni bobulili obufanayo, ukhuluma ngokwethembeka ngecala elifanayo. Ukhuluma ngezingane zakhe zokutholwa ezazikhumbula unina. Kwakunzima futhi kubuhlungu ezinganeni ukuqonda ukuthi kungani umama eshiya izingane zakhe kwasekuqaleni:
Isimo somntwana “ongenanina” ekukhulisweni okuvulekile asilula njengoba singase sibonakale, ngoba sihilela umama obelethayo, ongena ekuphileni komntwana bese ehamba. Futhi lapho umama engekho ngokomzimba, usekhona, njengoba sazi ezindabeni zezingane eziningi zokutholwa esezikhulile, ezikhona ngamaphupho, izithombe, ukulangazelela, nokukhathazeka. Ukufika kukamama ekuphileni kwezingane zethu ngokuvamile kuyisenzakalo esimangalisayo. Kuba nzima ezinganeni uma umama ehamba, hhayi nje ngoba kubuhlungu ukuvalelisa kumuntu omdala othandekayo, kodwa futhi kuphakamisa umbuzo onzima nobuhlungu wokuthi kungani umama washiya ingane yakhe kwasekuqaleni. (16)
Kuthiwani ngezimiso zokugcinwa kwesidoda nokwelashwa kokuvundisa? Basekelwe eqinisweni lokuthi amadoda aye anikela ngokuzithandela ngesidoda sawo ukuze afakwe, ngakho la madoda ngokuqinisekile ngeke kudingeke abhekane nemizwa enzima efanayo engenzeka ngokuqashwa kwesibeletho. Nokho, inkinga ngemithi yokwelapha inzalo iwukuthi zithwalisa izingane umthwalo wokungabi nababa. Izingane ezikhiqizwe ngokwenziwa zingazizwa zinzima kakhulu uma umama ezibeke ngamabomu esimweni lapho zingakwazi khona ukwazi nokuthintana noyise. U-Tapio Puolimatka uchaza ucwaningo lukadokotela wezengqondo wase-Yale University uKyle Pruett ngale ndaba (Kyle Pruett: Fatherneed, New York, Broadway, 2000). Kunzima ngezingane ukuthi ziphile ohlotsheni lwesimo esimaphakathi ngaphandle kobudlelwane nobaba wazo ozalayo:
Udokotela wezengqondo eNyuvesi yaseYale uKyle Pruett (2000: 207) uphetha ngokususelwa ocwaningweni lwakhe lokuthi izingane ezizalwe ngenxa yokumithiswa ngokwenziwa futhi ezikhuliswe ngaphandle kukayise “zinendlala engagculisi yokuba khona kukayise unomphela”. Ucwaningo lwakhe luhambisana nocwaningo lwesehlukaniso nokuba umzali ongayedwa oqokomisa ukuntuleka okufanayo kobaba. Ucwaningo luka-Pruett luphinde luveze ukuthi izingane ezizalwa ngenxa yokufakelwa isidoda, ezingenalo ulwazi ngoyise, zinemibuzo ejulile nephazamisayo mayelana nemvelaphi yazo kanye nomndeni eziphuma kuwo. Lezi zingane azimazi uyise noma umndeni kayise, futhi kuyanyanyisa kuzo ukuhlala ohlotsheni lwesimo esiphakathi ngaphandle kobudlelwane noyise wazo ozalayo (Pruett 2000: 204-208) (17)
U-Alana Newman uyaqhubeka ngesihloko esifanayo. Yena ngokwakhe wazalwa ngokufaka isidoda sokwenziwa, esasisebenzisa isidoda esivela kumnikeli ongaziwa. Umelene kakhulu nomkhuba wokuthi ingane iphucwe ithuba lokusungula ubuhlobo nabazali bayo begazi futhi ikhule ngaphansi kokunakekela kwabo. Ngenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe siqu, waba nezinkinga zokuzazi nenzondo ngabobulili obuhlukile. Ebufakazini bakhe obubhalwe phansi esiShayamthetho saseCalifornia, wabhala ngale ndaba:
… Ngahlushwa izinkinga zokuzazi ezacekela phansi ukulinganisela kwami kwengqondo, ukungathembi kanye nenzondo ngabobulili obuhlukile, imizwa yokuphikiswa – njengokungathi ngikhona nje njengento yokudlala yomunye umuntu. Ngaba nomuzwa wokuthi ngangiwucwaningo lwesayensi. (18)
Ukubaluleka kwabazali ezinganeni . Izinhlelo zethelevishini nezihloko zamaphephandaba ngokuvamile zikhuluma ngendlela izingane ezifuna ngayo ukuthola umzali ozalayo ezingakaze zihlangane nazo futhi onyamalele ekuphileni kwazo. Banesifiso sokuzitholela izimpande zabo futhi bahlangane nobaba noma umama obazalayo abalahlekile kubo. Lokhu sekuyinsakavukela umchilo wesidwaba namuhla, isb ngenxa yokwenyuka kwamazinga edivosi. Ngokombono wengane, iqiniso lokuthi bobabili abazali begazi bakhona futhi bayakhathalelana libalulekile. Lokhu kuphinde kuvele ekuqaphelisweni okuningi okusebenzayo kwempilo. Lezo zingane ubuhlobo bazo nabazali babo obophukile, isb ngenxa yotshwala, udlame noma isehlukaniso esivamile, zibhekana nezinkinga eziningi ezimpilweni zazo eziyivelakancane ezinganeni ezikhulele emindenini engaphelele. Isibonelo esincane esisebenzayo sikhomba lokhu. Kubonisa ukuthi ikakhulukazi ukungabi nababa, ukuntuleka kobaba ekhaya, kuyinkinga yesimanje:
Lapho ngikhuluma ekamu lamadoda elithile eChibini laseHume eCalifornia, ngaphawula ukuthi ubaba ovamile uchitha imizuzu emithathu kuphela yesikhathi esihle nengane yakhe ngosuku. Ngemva komhlangano, enye indoda yabuza ukwaziswa kwami. Wathethisa, "Nina bashumayeli nisho izinto kuphela. Ngokocwaningo lwakamuva, ubaba ovamile akachithi ngisho imizuzu emithathu nsuku zonke nezingane zakhe, kodwa imizuzwana engu-35 ." Ngiyamkholelwa ngoba ubesebenza njengomhloli wesikole enkabeni yeCalifornia. Empeleni, wanginika esinye izibalo ezishaqisayo. Esifundeni esithile sesikole eCalifornia kwakunabafundi abangu-483 bemfundo ekhethekile. Akekho noyedwa kulabo bafundi owayenobaba ekhaya. Endaweni ethile emaphethelweni e-Seattle, ama -61% ezingane ahlala ngaphandle koyise. Ukungabi khona kukababa kuyisiqalekiso kulezinsuku. (19)
Lokhu kuhlobana kanjani nesihloko okuxoxiwe ngaso? Ngamafuphi, ukuba khona kwabo bobabili abazali bemvelo, uthando lwabazali ngomunye nomunye futhi, yiqiniso, ngomntwana kubalulekile enhlalakahleni nasekuthuthukeni kwengane. Kunocwaningo oluningi olubonisa ukuthi ingane ikhula futhi ikhule kangcono uma ivunyelwa ukuba nabazali bayo begazi emndenini onezinga eliphansi lokungqubuzana. Uma iphuzu lokuqhathanisa kuyizingane, eziye zabhekana nesehlukaniso sabazali noma imikhaya enomzali oyedwa, imikhaya emisha kanye nobuhlobo bokukipita, kutholakale ukuthi kungenye indlela embi kakhulu ekukhuleni kwezingane. Ebudlelwaneni bobungqingili, inkinga inkulu nakakhulu (uma izingane zitholwa ngobudlelwane besikhashana bobulili obuhlukile noma ngezindlela zokwenziwa), ngoba kuzo ingane ihlukene okungenani nomzali oyedwa kusukela ekuqaleni kwempilo yayo. Ngokuqinisekile akuyona inketho enhle ezinganeni, njengoba sekushiwo ngenhla. Ukuphawula okumbalwa kubonisa ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukuba nabazali abazala bobabili emkhayeni. Umuntu ohlela ukuhlukanisa nomlingani wakhe kufanele acabange kabili. Yiqiniso, akekho umzali ophelele, futhi ngezinye izikhathi ukuhlala ngokuhlukana kungase kudingeke ngenxa, isibonelo, ubudlova. Kodwa-ke, ezinganeni, inketho engcono kakhulu ukuthi abazali bavumelane futhi bafunde ukwamukelana:
Ucwaningo lukhombisa ngokusobala ukuthi ukwakheka komndeni kuthinta izingane nokuthi zisekelwa kangcono yisakhiwo somndeni, esinabazali ababili abazalayo emshadweni abahola umndeni, nokuthi izinga lokungezwani labazali liphansi. Izingane ezisemikhayeni enomzali oyedwa, izingane ezizalwa omama abangashadile, nezingane ezisemikhayeni exubile noma ehlala ndawonye zisengozini enkulu yokukhula ngendlela embi... Yingakho kubalulekile ngengane ukukhuthaza imishado eqinile futhi ezinzile. phakathi kwabazali begazi. (21)
Ukube besicelwa ukuba sakhe uhlelo lokuqinisekisa ukuthi zonke izidingo eziyisisekelo zezingane ziyanakekelwa, cishe besiyogcina sisendaweni ethile, lokho okufana ncamashi nomgomo wokuba nabazali ababili. Ngokombono, lolu hlobo lohlelo aluqinisekisi nje kuphela ukuthi izingane zithola isikhathi nezinsiza zabantu abadala ababili, luphinde lunikeze uhlelo lokulawula nokulinganisa, olukhuthaza ubuzali bezinga eliphezulu. Bobabili ubuhlobo bemvelo bomzali nengane kwandisa amathuba okuba abazali bakwazi ukuzihlanganisa nengane futhi bakulungele ukuzidela ngenxa yengane. Kunciphisa futhi amathuba okuthi abazali baxhashaze ingane. (22)
Kuye kwavezwa kahle ukuthi izingane azithuthuki, naphezu kokunakekelwa kahle ngokomzimba uma zigcinwe ezikhungweni ezingenabo ubuntu, nokuthi ukuhlukaniswa nomama - ikakhulukazi ngezikhathi ezithile - kuyingozi kakhulu enganeni. Imithelela ejwayelekile yokunakekelwa kwesikhungo ukukhubazeka kwengqondo, ukungabi nandaba, ukwehla ngisho nokufa, lapho umama obambele owanele engekho. (23)
Njengoba kushiwo, ukubaluleka kwabo bobabili abazali ekuphileni kwezingane kuye kwatholakala kubalulekile. Lokhu kufakazelwa ulwazi olusebenzayo kanye nezifundo eziningi. Umzali ongayedwa angaba isibonelo endimeni yakhe njengomzali, kodwa lokho akuthathi indawo yomzali olahlekile wobulili obuhlukile. Ngokocwaningo, izingane ezikhulele emindenini ephukile (imindeni enomzali oyedwa, imindeni emisha...) inezinhlobo eziningi zezinkinga ezilandelayo. Zibonisa ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukuba khona kothando kwabo bobabili abazali begazi:
• Izinga lemfundo kanye nezinga lokuphothula esikoleni liphansi
• Abafana abakhule bengenabo obaba bavame ukushayelwa endleleni yodlame nobugebengu
• Ukuphazamiseka kwemizwelo, ukucindezeleka kanye nemizamo yokuzibulala kuvame kakhulu ezinganeni ezingenabo bobabili abazali emndenini.
• Ukusetshenziswa kwezidakamizwa notshwala kuvame kakhulu
• Ukukhulelwa kwentsha kanye nokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi kuvame kakhulu
Izingane ezikhuliswa ongqingili zisezingeni elinjani kulesi simo? Ngamafuphi, banezinkinga ezifanayo nezinye izingane ezivela ebuhlotsheni bomndeni obuphukile. Ithebula elilandelayo, elihlobene nocwaningo lukaSotirios Sarantokis wase-Australia ngesihloko (22), linikeza inkomba ethile yesihloko. Ucwaningo alulungiselela ngo-1996 kwaba wucwaningo olukhulu kakhulu oluqhathanisa imiphumela yokukhula kwezingane kwaze kwaba unyaka wezi-2000. Lolu cwaningo lubhekelele ukuhlola kwabazali, imiphumela yesikole kanye nokuhlolwa kothisha mayelana nokukhula kwezingane:
Olunye ucwaningo olufanayo lwenziwa uprofesa wesayensi yezokuhlalisana kwabantu uMark Regnerus. Yahlola umphumela wezakhiwo zemindeni ezinganeni. Inzuzo yocwaningo yayiwukuthi yayisekelwe ekuthathweni kwesampula okungahleliwe kanye nesampula enkulu (intsha yaseMelika eyi-15,000). Ngaphezu kwalokho, isampula lanwetshwa ngokufaka amakhaya lapho omunye wabantu abadala ayeke waba nobudlelwano bobungqingili. Lolu cwaningo lushicilelwe kuSocial Science Research, okuwushicilelo oluhamba phambili lwesayensi yezokuhlalisana kwabantu. Lolu cwaningo lubonise ukuthi izingane zezithandani ezithandana nobulili obufanayo zinezinkinga ezingokomzwelo nezenhlalo kakhulu kunezingane ezikhule zinabo bobabili abazali begazi. URobert Oscar Lopez, naye owakhulela nomama ongqingili nomlingani wakhe wesifazane, uphawule ngocwaningo lukaRegnerus:
Ucwaningo lukaRegnerus luhlonze izingane ezindala ezingu-248 abazali bazo ababenobudlelwano bothando nomuntu wobulili obufanayo. Lapho lezi zingane ezindala zinikezwa ithuba lokuhlola ubuntwana bazo ngokusobala ngokubuka emuva ngokombono wokuba abantu abadala, zanikeza izimpendulo ezingahambisani nesimangalo sokulingana esitholakala ku-ajenda yomshado ongakhethi hlangothi. Nokho, le miphumela isekelwa okuthile okubalulekile ekuphileni, okungukuthi ingqondo: Kunzima ukukhula uhlukile kwabanye abantu, futhi lobu bunzima bandisa ingozi yokuba izingane zibe nobunzima bokuzilungisa futhi zizozelapha ngotshwala. nezinye izinhlobo zokuziphatha eziyingozi. Ngamunye walabo 248 okwaxoxwa nabo ngokungangabazeki unendaba yakhe yomuntu enezici eziningi eziyinkimbinkimbi. Njengendaba yami, izindaba zalaba bantu abangama-248 kufanelekile ukuxoxa. Inhlangano yezitabane yenza konke engakwenza ukuqinisekisa ukuthi akekho obalalelayo. (25)
Akufanele kusimangaze ukuthi izingane zongqingili zinezinkinga. Kungokufanayo nakuzo zonke izingane eziphuma emakhaya aphukile. Banezinkinga eziningi ekuphileni kwabo kunezingane eziye zathola ilungelo lokukhula nomkhaya wemvelo ophelele. Ngaphezu kwalokho, isiko lobungqingili liyinkinga ezinganeni, isb ngenxa yalezi zizathu ezilandelayo. Baletha ukungazinzi ezimpilweni zezingane:
• Izitabane ziba nobudlelwane obuxekethile. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi kongqingili besilisa, okuthi ngokocwaningo olulodwa (Mercer et al 2009) babe nobudlelwano bocansi obuphindwe kahlanu kunabesilisa abathandana nobulili obuhlukile.
• Abesifazane abathandana nobulili obufanayo babonakala ngobudlelwane obufushane. Umehluko wamaphesenti emibhangqwana yabesifazane utholakale uphezulu kakhulu kunalawo abesilisa abathandana nawo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, uma kuqhathaniswa nemibhangqwana yabantu bobulili obuhlukile, amaphesenti omehluko aphezulu kakhulu. Lokhu kuletha nokungazinzi ezimpilweni zezingane.
• Uma inani labashadile liphezulu futhi okungenani oyedwa omdala engeyena umzali wengane uqobo, ingozi yokunukubezwa ngokocansi iyanda. Ucwaningo olwenziwa nguRegnerus luthole ukuthi zingu-2% kuphela izingane ezikhuliswe uyise nonina abazizalayo ezithi zike zathintwa ngokocansi, kanti u-23% wezingane ezikhuliswa ngumama wesifazane uthi nazo zike zabhekana nesimo esifanayo. Into efanayo yayingavamile phakathi kongqingili besilisa kunaphakathi kwemibhangqwana yabesifazane.
• Njengoba kwaziwa, izishoshovu eziningi zenhlangano yongqingili ziye zaphikisana futhi zanyundela izenzo ezinjalo lapho abantu befuna ukuqeda impilo yobungqingili ngokuzithandela. Bayihlasele bethi iyingozi. Kodwa-ke, indlela yokuphila yongqingili abaningi empeleni iyingozi futhi iyingozi ngenxa yobudlelwane obuningi bocansi. Amadoda ikakhulukazi anengozi eyengeziwe yokuthola izifo ezithathelwana ngocansi nezinye izifo ezithathelwana zisuka komunye ziye komunye. Phakathi kwezinye izinto, ingculaza iyinkinga. Lokhu kungenza ukuphila kwabo kube mfushane kakhulu, kodwa kungase futhi kuthathe omunye umzali enganeni. Lokhu kwenza nezimpilo zezingane zingazinzi. Lesi sicaphuni esilandelayo sitshela kabanzi ngesihloko. Ucwaningo oluholwa nguDkt Robert S. Hogg. Iqembu lakhe laqoqa imininingwane ngamadoda athandana nobulili obubili endaweni yaseVancouver kusukela ngo-1987-1992. Ucwaningo lubheke umphumela wesifo, hhayi ukuthambekela, ngokwesilinganiso seminyaka yokuphila. Ngenhlanhla, imithi yokugoma iye yasungulwa kusukela kudala,
Amathuba okuthi amadoda amabili nongqingili aphile kusukela eminyakeni engama-20 kuye kwengama-65 ahluka phakathi kwamaphesenti angama-32 nangama-59. Lezi zinombolo ziphansi kakhulu kunamanye amadoda ngokuvamile, abenamathuba angamaphesenti angama-78 okuphila kusukela eminyakeni engama-20 kuye kwengama-65. Isiphetho: Edolobheni elikhulu laseCanada, iminyaka yokuphila kwabesilisa abathandana nobulili obubili abaneminyaka engu-20 ubudala yiminyaka eyi-8-20. engaphansi kweyamanye amadoda. Uma umkhuba ofanayo wokufa ubungaqhubeka, ngokokulinganisa kwethu, cishe uhhafu wezitabane nabesilisa abathandana nobulili obubili manje abaseminyakeni yawo-20 ngeke bafinyelele usuku lwabo lokuzalwa lwama-65. Ngisho nangokucatshangelwa okukhululekile, amadoda angqingili nabesilisa nabesifazane kulesi sikhungo sasemadolobheni njengamanje banesikhathi sokuphila esilingana nesabo bonke abesilisa baseCanada ngo-1871. (26)
BENZA KANJANI ABANTU KULOKHU? Njengoba kushiwo, umzali ongayedwa ongungqingili angenza konke okusemandleni akhe endimeni yakhe njengomzali futhi azame ukuba umzali omuhle enganeni yakhe. Ngeke ukuphike lokho. Nokho, kuyiqiniso futhi ukuthi isakhiwo somndeni sibalulekile. Izifundo eziningi, okuhlangenwe nakho okungokoqobo ekuphileni kanye nengqondo ehluzekile kubonisa ukuthi kungcono kakhulu ukuba izingane zikhulele enkampanini futhi zinakekele ngothando abazali bazo abazizalayo. Yiqiniso, lokhu akwenzeki ngokuphelele ngaso sonke isikhathi ngenxa yokuthi abazali banamaphutha, kodwa ngokuvamile, izingane ziye zatholakala zenza kangcono uma bobabili abazali begazi bekhona. Ngakho-ke abasekeli bomshado ongakhethi bulili basabela kanjani kulolu lwazi, noma uma kuthandabuza indlela yokuphila yobungqingili? Ngokuvamile kubonakala njengokusabela okulandelayo:
Ukusolwa ngokuzonda ongqingili nenkulumo enenzondo kuvamile. Abantu abaningi bayakusola lokhu, kodwa bangacabangi ukuthi noma singavumelani ezintweni akusho ukuzonda omunye umuntu. Labo abaphikisanayo abanakukwazi ukucabanga kwangaphakathi komunye umuntu futhi bangase bangaqondi ukuthi naphezu kokungavumelani, omunye umuntu angathandwa, noma okungenani azame ukuthanda. Lo mehluko kufanele uqondwe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kuvamile ukuba abalandeli abashisekayo bomshado ongakhethi bulili banyundele futhi bagcobe abantu ababona izinto ngendlela ehlukile kunabo. Yize bethi bamele uthando kodwa abakwenzi lokho. Uma nawe ungumnyundeli onjalo, uzuzani ngakho noma uthola ukuvunyelwa yiwo wonke umuntu ngendlela yakho yokuphila?
Ukusolwa ngokusola. Phambilini kwashiwo ukuthi isakhiwo somndeni sibaluleke kanjani enhlalakahleni yezingane. Kutholakale ukuthi ukukhulelwa kwentsha, ubugebengu, ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa nezinkinga ezingokomzwelo kuvame kakhulu emindenini lapho okungenani oyedwa wabazali abazalayo engekho. Lokhu kuphinde kube nomthelela kwezezimali, njengoba izindleko zomphakathi zikhuphuka. Isibonelo, ucwaningo olwenziwa e-USA ngo-2008 lwabonisa ukuthi izehlukaniso kanye nezingane ezizalwa ngaphandle komshado zibiza abakhokhi bentela amaRandi ayizigidi eziyizinkulungwane eziyi-112 ngonyaka (Girgis et al 2012:46). Ngokufanayo, i-Etelä-Suomen sanomat yabika ngo-Okthoba 31, 2010: Ukunakekelwa kwezikhungo zezingane kanye nentsha maduze kuzobiza ibhiliyoni, Izinkinga zezingane ziye zaba zimbi kakhulu kusukela ekuqaleni kwawo-1990... Ukunakekelwa kwesikhungo kwengane eyodwa kubiza ama-euro angu-100,000 ngonyaka. .... Ngaphezu kwalokho, u-Aamulehti ubike ngoMashi 3, 2013: Intsha enganakiwe ibiza u-1.8 million. Uma ngisho oyedwa ebuyiswa emphakathini, umphumela uba muhle. Abanye basabela kanjani kulolu lwazi? Bangase bathi manje kusolwa abazali abangabodwa, ongqingili noma labo abangaphumeleli emishadweni yabo. Nokho, akudingekile ukuba uyibuke ngalolo mbono. Kanjalo, wonke umuntu angacabanga ukuthi izinto zingalungiswa kanjani ukuze zibe ngcono. Uma othile ehlela, isibonelo, ukushiya umlingani wakhe nomndeni, kufanele acabange kabili, ngoba kungaba nemiphumela ejulile ezinganeni nasekusasa labo. (Ngokuvamile izingane kuphela eziye zabona futhi zabhekana nobudlova obuphindaphindiwe ezingabhekana nokuhlukana kwabazali bazo njengempumuzo.) Noma uma ungqingili ehlela ukuba nomntwana ngezindlela zokwenziwa, kufanele acabange ngendlela ingane ezizwa ngayo ngokuphila ngaphandle kukayise noma umama. Ulwazi mayelana nokubaluleka kwesakhiwo somndeni ezinganeni luthi lufane nolwazi olumayelana nezinzuzo zokuzivocavoca noma izingozi zokubhema empilweni. Lolu lwazi lukhona, kodwa akuwona wonke umuntu osabelayo kulo. Nokho, uma silandela ukwaziswa okutholakala kuwo wonke umuntu, kuyothuthukisa impilo yethu engokomzimba.
"Ucwaningo lukadoti" . Nakuba umqondo ongokoqobo nokuhlangenwe nakho kokuphila kwansuku zonke kusekela ukuthi kuhle ngezingane uma zivunyelwa ukuba zikhulele emkhayeni wabo bobabili abazali begazi, abanye babasekeli abashisekayo bomshado ongakhethi buso bazama ukukuphika lokhu. Bathi ukuba khona komzali ozalayo akubalulekile, kodwa omunye umuntu omdala angavala isikhala somzali olahlekile. Lapha bacaphuna izifundo ezithile ezifakazela lo mbono. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, kuchazwa ukuthi lonke ulwazi lwangaphambili mayelana nencazelo yezakhiwo zomndeni "ukucwaninga okungenamsoco" nolwazi olungenalo isayensi. Yingakho becabanga ukuthi kufanele kwenqatshwe. Kodwa-ke, uma ubheka izifundo abasekeli bomshado ongathathi hlangothi kobulili ababhekisela kuzo, kunalokho bahlangabezana nezimpawu zolwazi olungahambisani nesayensi. Isizathu siyisib. izici ezilandelayo:
Isampula yezifundo incane , ngokwesilinganiso kuphela 30-60 okwaxoxwa nabo. Osayizi abancane besampula abakwazi ukunikeza imiphumela ebalulekile ngokwezibalo. Ukuze wenze okujwayelekile, usayizi wesampula kufanele ube mningi.
Amaqembu okuqhathanisa awatholakali noma ayimindeni ephukile. Inkinga ngezifundo eziningi ukuthi azinawo nhlobo amaqembu okuqhathanisa abantu bobulili obuhlukile. Noma uma kuneqembu lokuqhathanisa, ngokuvamile kuba umndeni onomzali oyedwa, owenziwe kabusha noma ohlala ndawonye. Imishado yabazali begazi, eyaziwa njengevuna kakhulu ekukhuleni kwezingane, ayivamile ukusetshenziswa njengeqembu lokuqhathanisa. Kwake kwashiwo ngaphambili ukuthi izingane ezisemikhayeni ephukile zinezinkinga eziningi kakhulu.
Kusukela ezifundweni ezingama-59 ezisetshenziswa yi-APA, ezingama-26 azizange zibe neqembu lokuqhathanisa elakhiwe imibhangqwana yobulili obuhlukile nhlobo. Izifundo ezingu-33 zazineqembu elinjalo lokuqhathanisa, kodwa ezifundweni ezingu-13 iqembu lokuqhathanisa kwakuyimindeni enomzali oyedwa. Ezifundweni ezingu-20 ezisele, akucaci ukuthi iqembu lokuqhathanisa umzali oyedwa, umbhangqwana ohlala ndawonye, umndeni omusha noma umbhangqwana oshadile owakhiwe abazali bengane begazi. Lokhu kushoda kukodwa kwenza ukujwayelekile kube yinkinga, njengoba uBrown (2004: 364) ethi ocwaningweni lwakhe ehlaziya izingane zaseMelika ezingama-35,938 nabazali bazo ukuthi kungakhathaliseki izinsiza zezimali nezokukhulisa izingane, abantu abasha (abaneminyaka engu-12-17 ubudala) banemiphumela ephansi emindenini yabashadile abahlala ndawonye. kunasemikhayeni enabazali begazi ababili abashadile. (27)
Awekho amasampula angahleliwe kanye nokuqwashisa ngokubaluleka kwezingxoxo . Uma amasampula emancane, enye inkinga ukuthi amaningana awo awasekelwe ekuthathweni kwesampula okungahleliwe, kodwa labo okuxoxwa nabo bathathwa ezinkundleni zezishoshovu. Abantu okuxoxwa nabo bangase bazi ngokubaluleka kwezombusazwe kocwaningo ngakho banikeze izimpendulo "ezifanelekile". Ngaphandle kwalokho, ubani ofuna ukusho okungekuhle ngenhlalakahle yezingane zakhe noma ingane ngabazali bayo, edinga imvume kabani? Ngalo mqondo, izifundo ezimbalwa kulo mkhakha zisikhumbuza izifundo ezalungiswa emashumini eminyaka edlule ngu-Alfred Kinsey. Ayengasekelwe ekuthathweni kwesampula okungahleliwe, kodwa ingxenye ebalulekile yemiphumela yocwaningo luka-Kinsey yavela kubahlukumezi bocansi, abadlwenguli, abaqwayizi, abanukubezi, amakhasimende ezinkantini zezitabane nabanye abantu abahlubuka ngokocansi. Imiphumela kaKinsey kuthiwa imele umMelika ovamile, kodwa izifundo ezalandela zinikeze imiphumela ehluke ngokuphelele futhi zaphika ulwazi olunikezwe uKinsey. UDkt Judith Reisman ubhale ngale ndaba encwadini yakhe enethonya ethi "Kinsey: Crimes & Consequences" (1998).
Ukufuna inhloso? Lapho ekugcineni ukuhushula isisu sekusemthethweni, kwathiwa ukukhishwa kwezisu ngokungemthetho kwakwenziwa ngamanani amakhulu. Ngokwesibonelo, kwathiwa kuhushulwa izisu okungekho emthethweni okungu-30,000 eFinland minyaka yonke, nakuba ngemva kokushintshwa komthetho, amanani ahlala cishe ku-10,000 kuphela. Yini eyabangela umehluko omkhulu kangaka? Abanye abagqugquzeli bokuhushulwa kwezisu bavume ngemuva kwalokho ukuthi benza ihaba ngezibalo ukuze bagweme abenzi bomthetho kanye nemibono yomphakathi. Umuntu angabuza ukuthi ingabe kukhona yini umgomo ofanayo ezifundweni eziningi ezihlobene nomshado ongathathi hlangothi ngobulili. Abanye baye bavuma ukuthi imigomo enjalo iye yenzeka. Abacwaningi bawushaye indiva umehluko osobala ongabonakala ngoba befuna ukukhombisa ukuthi ukwakheka komndeni akubalulekile ekukhuleni kwezingane. Amazwana alandelayo abhekisele kulokhu:
UStacey noBiblarz (2001:162) bayavuma ukuthi ngenxa yokuthi abacwaningi bebefuna ukukhombisa ukuthi ukukhuliswa kwabantu abathandana nobulili obufanayo kuhle njengokukhuliswa ngabathandana bobulili obufanayo, abacwaningi abazwelayo bawuphatha ngokucophelela umehluko phakathi kwalezi zinhlobo zemindeni. Ngamanye amazwi, nakuba abacwaningi empeleni bathola umehluko ekukhuliseni izingane ezihlala ndawonye, abazange bawushaye indiva, babukela phansi ukubaluleka kwawo, noma bahluleka ukwenza olunye ucwaningo mayelana nokwehluka. Ukuthambekela kobulili kwabazali kwathinta izingane zabo ngaphezu kwalokho okwakhuliswa ngabacwaningi (Stacey & Biblarz 2001: 167). (28)
Siyazi futhi ukuthi ucwaningo oluningi lwenziwa abacwaningi abambalwa. Ngezinye izikhathi baye babambisana. Ngaphezu kwalokho, abanye babo banesizinda sobungqingili noma basekela umshado ongakhethi bulili. Lesi isisekelo esibi socwaningo olungachemile.
Umthelela wombono wabacwaningi ngabanye ugcizelelwa ngoba abacwaningi abambalwa benze ingxenye enkulu yezifundo ezingu-60 okukhulunywa ngazo. U-Charlotte J. Patterson ungumbhali-ndawonye ezifundweni eziyishumi nambili zalezo zifundo ezingama-60, u-Henny Bos kweziyisishiyagalolunye, u-Nanette Gartrell kweziyisikhombisa, u-Judith Stacey no-Abbie Goldberg bangababhali abakanye kwezine, kanti abanye abambalwa bangababhali abakanye ezifundweni ezintathu. Bavame ukwenza ucwaningo ndawonye. Lokhu kunciphisa inani lezifundo ezizimele futhi kukhulisa umthelela wokuchema kwabacwaningi. Lokhu kuchaza ukuthi kungani izimangalo ezifanayo ziphindaphindiwe ezifundweni eziningana. UCharlotte Patterson unguprofesa wezengqondo eNyuvesi yaseVirginia. Ngaphezu komsebenzi wakhe obanzi wokucwaninga, ubuye abe nolwazi lokuqala lwezinqubo zokukhulisa izingane emndenini wombhangqwana wobulili obufanayo: ukhulise izingane ezintathu ebunyeni bakhe beminyaka engama-30 noDeborah Cohn. U-Nanette Gartrell, kanye nomngane wakhe womshado u-Dee Mosbacher, bawavikele ngenkuthalo amalungelo abantu abathandana nobulili obufanayo futhi ube ngumcwaningi oyinhloko kuphrojekthi yocwaningo i-US National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study (NLLFS) exhaswe izinhlangano ezimbalwa ezivelele zobungqingili. U-Henny Bos usebenza njengoprofesa wezemfundo eNyuvesi yase-Amsterdam futhi ubambe iqhaza kanye no-Nanette Gartrell kuphrojekthi yocwaningo ye-NLLFS. U-Abbie Goldberg unguprofesa wezengqondo eClark University eWorcester, Massachusetts. Uthi kusukela ekuqaleni komsebenzi wakhe wocwaningo, wabhekana nenkinga yokuthi "imikhuba yezenhlalo kanye nemithombo yezindaba ikhombisa lokho okubizwa ngokuthi yinkambiso ebusayo, engasabuzi kangako (okungukuthi, uhlaka lomndeni wenuzi olungafani nobulili obuhlukile)". Kweminye yemibono yakhe yochwepheshe, u-Judith Stacey uye wavikela umshado ongakhethi hlangothi ngobulili, nakuba ebheka indlela engcono kakhulu yokuqeda sonke isikhungo somshado. Ngokombono wakhe, ilungiselelo lomshado ngokwalo liyakwandisa ukungalingani. (29) nakuba ebheka indlela engcono kakhulu yokuqeda yonke ilungiselelo lomshado. Ngokombono wakhe, ilungiselelo lomshado ngokwalo liyakwandisa ukungalingani. (29) nakuba ebheka indlela engcono kakhulu yokuqeda yonke ilungiselelo lomshado. Ngokombono wakhe, ilungiselelo lomshado ngokwalo liyakwandisa ukungalingani. (29)
Uthando . Lapho amaNazi evikela i-euthanasia, esinye sezizathu kwakuwuzwela. Kwachazwa ukuthi akukona konke ukuphila komuntu okufanele ukuphila, futhi yingakho, phakathi kwezinye izinto, kwenziwa amafilimu enkulumo-ze ukuze kuzanywe ukuvikela lolu daba. Egameni lozwelo, kwenziwa izinqumo ezagcina ziholele emiphumeleni emibi. Ziningi izinto ezivikelwa nanamuhla egameni lothando. Yebo, akukubi ukuba uthando luvikelwe, kodwa ngokuvamile empeleni lungase lube isifihla-buso sobugovu, ikakhulukazi ngobugovu bomuntu omdala enganeni. Njengoba imisinga emisha iye yavela emphakathini emashumini eminyaka amuva nje, amaningi awo ahlobene ngokuqondile nezingane. Izingane ziphoqeleka ukuba zithole imiphumela yokukhetha kwabantu abadala. Inguquko kwezocansi, ukukhipha isisu, kanye nomshado ongakhethi hlangothi yizibonelo ezintathu:
• Umqondo wenguquko kwezocansi wawuwukuthi kulungile ukuya ocansini ngaphandle kokuzibophezela emshadweni. Udaba lwavikelwa ngokuthi “akukho okubi uma bethandana bobabili”. Kuye kwaba yini futhi yini umphumela uma ingane izalwa esimweni esinjalo lapho abazali bengazinikele komunye nomunye ngaphambi kwalokho? Okujabulisa kakhulu inketho lapho abazali basondelana khona ngokushesha futhi ingane izalelwe ekhaya elinabo bobabili abazali. Nokho, umkhuba uvame ukuhluka. Abazali bangase bakhiphe isisu noma bahlukane futhi ingane ihlale ngaphansi kokunakekela kukamama oyedwa (noma ubaba oyedwa). Inkululeko yobulili, okungenzeka ivikelwe ngothando, ngakho-ke akuyona inketho enhle enganeni.
• Ukukhipha isisu kwavela ngemuva kwenguquko kwezocansi. Ngisho nanamuhla, abavikeli balolu daba abakwazi ukunikeza incazelo yokuthi kungani ingane esibelethweni sikamama, enezitho ezifanayo zomzimba (amehlo, ikhala, umlomo, imilenze, izandla) njengengane esanda kuzalwa noma, isibonelo, Ingane eneminyaka engu-10 ubudala, izoba ngaphansi komuntu. Ukuhlala nje esibelethweni sikamama akufanele kube isisekelo.
• Umshado ongakhethi hlangothi - isihloko salesi sihloko - ungase ube yinkinga ezinganeni. Ngoba uma izingane zitholakala enhlanganweni enjalo ngokusebenzisa izindlela zokwenziwa noma ubudlelwano besikhashana be-hetero, kushiya ingane esimweni lapho ilahlekelwa khona okungenani oyedwa wabazali bayo bemvelo ekhaya.
References:
1. Wendy Wright: French Homosexuals Join Demonstration Against Gay Marriage, Catholic Family & Human Rights Institute, January 18, 2013 2. Liisa Tuovinen, ”Synti vai siunaus?” Inhimillinen tekijä. TV2, 2.11.2004, klo 22.05. 3. Bill Hybels: Kristityt seksihullussa kulttuurissa (Christians in a Sex Crazed Culture), p. 132 4. Espen Ottosen: Minun homoseksuaalit ystäväni (”Mine homofile venner”), p. 104 5. Espen Ottosen: Minun homoseksuaalit ystäväni (”Mine homofile venner”), p. 131 6. Lesboidentiteetti ja kristillisyys, p. 87, Seta julkaisut 7. Sinikka Pellinen: Homoseksuaalinen identiteetti ja kristillinen usko, p. 77, Teron kertomus 8. Ari Puonti: Suhteesta siunaukseen, p. 76,77 9. John Corvino: Mitä väärää on homoseksualisuudessa?, p. 161 10. Tapio Puolimatka: Seksuaalivallankumous, perheen ja kulttuurin romahdus, p. 172 11. Jean-Pierre Delaume-Myard: Homosexuel contre le marriage pour tous (2013), Deboiris, p. 94 12. Jean-Pierre Delaume-Myard: Homosexuel contre le marriage pour tous (2013), Deboiris, p. 210 13. Jean-Pierre Delaume-Myard: Homosexuel contre le marriage pour tous (2013), Deboiris, p. 212 14. Jean-Marc Guénois: “J’ai été élevé par deux femmes”, Le Figaro 1.10.2013 15. Tapio Puolimatka: Lapsen ihmisoikeus, oikeus isään ja äitiin, p. 28,29 16. Frank Litgvoet: “The Misnomer of Motherless Parenting”, New York Times 07/2013 17. Tapio Puolimatka: Lapsen ihmisoikeus, oikeus isään ja äitiin, p. 43,44 18. Alana Newman: Testimony of Alana S. Newman. Opposition to AB460. To the California Assembly Committee on Health, April 30, 2013. 19. Edwin Louis Cole: Miehuuden haaste, p. 104 20. David Popenoe (1996): Life without Father: Compelling New Evidence That Fatherhood and Marriage Are Indispensable for the Good of Children and Society. New York: Free Press. 21. Kristin Anderson Moore & Susan M. Jekielek & Carol Emig:” Marriage from a Child’s Perspective: How Does Family Structure Affect Children and What Can We do About it”, Child Trends Research Brief, Child Trends, June 2002, http:www. childrentrends.org&/files/marriagerb602.pdf.) 22. Sara McLanahan & Gary Sandefur: Growing Up with a Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps, p. 38 23. Margaret Mead: Some Theoretical Considerations on the Problem of Mother-Child Separation, American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, vol. 24, 1954, p. 474 24. Sotirios Sarantakos: Children in Three Contexts: Family, Education and Social Development, Children Australia 21, 23-31, (1996) 25. Robert Oscar Lopez: Growing Up With Two Moms: The Untold Cgildren’s View, The Public Discourse, Augustth, 2012 26. International Journal of Epidemiology Modelling the Impact of HIV Disease on Mortality in Gay and Bisexual men; International Journal of Epidemiology; Vol. 26, No 3, p. 657 27. Tapio Puolimatka: Lapsen ihmisoikeus, oikeus isään ja äitiin, p. 166 28. Tapio Puolimatka: Lapsen ihmisoikeus, oikeus isään ja äitiin, p. 176 29. Tapio Puolimatka: Lapsen ihmisoikeus, oikeus isään ja äitiin, p. 178,179
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Jesus is the way, the truth and the life
Grap to eternal life!
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Other Google Translate machine translations:
Izigidi zeminyaka / ama-dinosaurs /
ukuziphendukela kwemvelo kwabantu? |
